Friday, March 29, 2024
spot_img

Wounded warrior wives

Date:

Share post:

spot_img
spot_img

US military wives also suffer the wounds of war, says Elayne Clift                                                 

 NATALIE BAKER fell in love with her husband Barnard when she was 20.  He was a “laid back, affectionate, down-to-earth guy.” she recalls. Both looked forward to a happy life together. Little did they realise how much the war in Iraq would affect their dreams.   

     Barnard joined the US army and their first daughter was born in 2003. A year later, he was in Iraq under frequent mortar attacks, some of which killed or maimed fellow soldiers. He came home in 2005 a changed man. He sleep-walked, had nightmares and suffered pounding headaches. At the VA hospital they said his symptoms would disappear. He was honorably discharge in 2006. 

     Barnard then worked as a contract security guard overseas but had to return home because of continuing symptoms including insomnia and memory problems. He was irritable and felt “off balance.” He and Natalie began arguing. “I cried all the time because I didn’t know what to do or say,” she recalls.

     The VA hospital staff identified an “adjustment disorder, depression and anxiety.” Bernard received a diagnosis of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and filed a VA compensation claim. He was deemed eligible for 60 percent disability pay. Natalie researched everything from TBI to Social Security disability while Barnard worried about how to support his family. He returned overseas to work and for a time things got better. There were visits home, a second daughter was born, and the family purchased a condo in Tacoma, Washington.

     But soon Bernard’s symptoms worsened.  “I realised how much he had changed,” Natalie says. “He ignored the kids and became irritable with our daughter when he couldn’t understand a simple paragraph or do a third grade math problem. His personal hygiene deteriorated. His sleep became erratic.” When Natalie tried to discuss the situation Bernard “exploded in rage.” 

     Natalie was at a breaking point. “I was becoming this person I didn’t like. It wasn’t good for the kids.” The VA was little help. As Natalie puts it, “The doctors were making Barnard even angrier because he had this disability that was invisible but was killing him inside.” Barnard told Natalie he considered suicide because he felt so worthless. 

     Barnard was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where he was diagnosed with TBI and PTSD. Later, a diagnosis of vestibular migraine was added. Medication didn’t help. Natalie felt frightened and depressed. “I asked myself, Why me? I don’t want to be here. I want to run away. But then I thought about Barnard. He didn’t ask to be this way. It wasn’t his fault he has this horrible disability. Now I feel sad for him. I wish I could take it all away and he could be that charming, sweet, loving person I met all those years ago.”

     Because Natalie is Barnard’s caregiver, she is unable to work outside the home. She and Barnard continue seeking full disability benefits. Recently, Natalie began receiving some health benefits from the VA as a caregiver. But soon the family may have to relinquish their condo.

     Natalie has recently joined a weekly group of wounded warrior wives like herself. “I feel very comfortable talking to other spouses who are going through the same thing,” she says, “but I don’t wish this pain or hardship on anyone.”

     Natalie Baker is calm, competent, and loving as she cares for her husband and children. She continues learning about his condition and lobbying for her family’s needs. Unlike many other wounded warrior wives, she has not sought divorce. But the strains of the situation are evident. “I sometimes feel resentful,” she admits. “I know I shouldn’t but I do. This isn’t what I expected my life to be… I think it is normal to feel this way sometimes, but I know I am not going to give up on my husband because he means the world to me, as well as my two daughters. We’ve always believed that love is faith and faith is forever.”

     Like many other military spouses Natalie has found support through Wounded Warrior Wives (WWW), a national network created in 2007 by Operation Homefront, an organisation supporting military families in 27 states with loved ones who have served in Iraq or Afghanistan. 

     WWW seeks to “honor the service and sacrifice of the women who care for our nation’s wounded, ill or injured warriors [and to] support these women in their own journey of healing.” It provides social connections to other women in similar situations, online and at retreats. “All the women in the program are truly inspirational,” says Sara Boz, Director, WWW. “They’re some of the strongest women I’ve ever met.”

     Wounded warrior wives who attend retreats have strong responses. “I changed my life sentence for myself,” said one woman. “I’m not alone anymore. I believe in myself,” another one declared. Linda Mendenhall, whose husband was a first responder at the World Trace Center on 9-11 and then deployed to Iraq says WWW saved her life.

     Perhaps she best expresses the experience of being a wounded warrior wife:  “If you haven’t lived it, you don’t understand. These women deserve support from the entire nation.” (WFS)

spot_img
spot_img

Related articles

Meghalaya Nuggets

MIT varsity’s week-long prog showcases diverse talents SHILLONG, March 28: The MIT University of Meghalaya was filled with...

K’taka college achieves 100 pc placement

SHILLONG, March 28: The Regional College of Management Bangalore has announced achieving 100 per cent placements for its...

Sister Rosario breathes her last in Tura

From Our Correspondent TURA, March 28: One of the founding members of the Nazareth Hospitals in the state, Sister...

VPP chief’s ‘slur’ on media draws flak from press club

By Our Reporter SHILLONG, March 28: The Shillong Press Club (SPC) has condemned the recent statement of VPP chief...