By Patricia Mukhim
The best message that landed in my inbox yesterday (International Women’s Day) was this: “Sure God created Man before Woman, but then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.” It came from a spunky young woman professional who’s in charge of her life and has been for quite a while. It feels good to see the number of young women who have launched themselves into several challenging careers often by gritting their teeth and smiling through their tears. Several young women today don’t depend on government jobs. They are ready to swim into the deep waters and face a few calculated risks to prove to the world that they can manage their lives and also their families. International Women’s Day should celebrate this new breed of spirited, gutsy women who slog their butts off to make this world a balanced place. I hope the men of Meghalaya remembered to wish their mothers, wives and daughters yesterday.
Unfortunately we are not very creative at observing important events. So I bet we simply listened to same old speeches at officious functions and listed out what Government has to do and has not done and then forget to celebrate our successes. Women, the so-called fairer sex (indeed fairer in the way we treat other human beings and empathise with the underdogs) were reminded yet again that we hold up half the sky even if very few remember to acknowledge this. In our little world here, tradition decided that we did not have enough physical stamina or intellectual resilience to rule the world (politics) so we quietly kept out of the big, bad, bold muggy world of politics in deference to tradition.
Then the Indian Constitution happened and we found that politics was not out of bounds. Some amongst us bravely launched into the rough and tumble of politics, fought the elections, won and even became ministers. And mind you those ministers were no pushovers. They are giving men a run for their money… So much for considering us nitwits! Funnily, when it comes to tackling dipsomaniacs and wrecking their joints women are asked to form brigades to stop the menace while men watch in helpless apathy. But that’s always been our forte. We step in when things have been messed up by the other sex. Mind you I am not starting a battle of the sexes; just stating some facts.
There are those who still believe we speak out of turn and speak gibberish. And that therefore we may not be able to participate in high-brow meetings, much less conduct such meetings. If all we spoke was senseless, would we have been able to bring up men and women of character? Let’s not forget that we live in a society with many female-headed households. Some blame our loosely structured marital ties and the liberal female-male liaison that our ‘broad-minded society allows. Those who wish to put the matrilineal world of the Khasis on its head blame matriliny for all the ills we see around. How convenient! I guess the blame game is the easiest thing to do. But we could go on for hours, days, months and years without finding any solution unless we decide to sit together and thrash things out amongst ourselves in a spirit of constructive criticism. We have not done that; not yet anyway. I cannot recall that we have got together to think out what’s ailing our society; why the high divorce rate and abandonment of women by men and how we could arrest this trend. Because, whatever be the case, children need both parents to grow up as wholesome human beings! A single mother can only hold up half the sky. The other half remains unsupported.
Yet make no mistake, some women have played father and mother to their kids without allowing them to sense the void. Unless the kids have kept that part of their lives (like missing a father figure when they see other kids at school holding the father’s hand and being doted upon) a complete secret and guarded that as a mark of respect for their mothers. We will never know and one is unsure if it’s good to probe that part of their lives, or if they would ever get over the sense of ‘never having had a complete family.’ Well this is a day of quiet reflection!
Very often International Women’s Day becomes a boisterous outpouring of political rhetoric by those who are expected to “empower” women. Can anyone ever empower me if my parents (in my own case, my mother) had not given me education – that most empowering tool to wield like a sword as I fight my way through the many cobwebs and hurdles in life? It is the same for every woman who has been fortunate to acquire a degree or several degrees. But there are so many amongst us who are uneducated, poor and hence diffident and unsure of themselves. It is a tough call for such sisters to enter a government office…a bank … or even the headman’s residence to seek redress for what they suffer. International Women’s Day is one day when we could listen more to the experiences of disadvantaged women and form cohorts for mutual help. It’s also a day to listen to those who have conquered their fears, left behind the ghosts of societal taboos that haunt them and have moved forward.
This is a day to honour our mothers, grandmothers and foremothers. Where would we be without them? It was their wise counsel that continues to sees us through our silent tears … tears of utter frustration as we wished to be understood, to be believed, to be hugged, to be loved and for our spirits to be lifted. With their down to earth native wisdom they salved and mended our broken hearts and helped us to our feet again even when we had crashed their hopes and heaped shame on them through our acts of omission and commission. And how many times have we repeated such acts but been forgiven? Can anyone ever measure a mother’s love? It would be like trying to capture the waves of the vast ocean in our fragile hands. Not possible….
Yesterday coincidentally was also the festival of colours. Think how colourful we make the lives of those around us with our giggles and squeals and our range of emotions, expressions and sounds. It feels good to be a woman. After all who has that wonderful gift of bringing forth another life into this world? Sure you need the other half to procreate but it is the privilege of the woman to feel the first movement of life in her womb! Surely the creator knew who the stronger, more resilient and yet more caring half is. So why do we women doubt ourselves? Let’s remember this truth always especially when life gets us down…. And for those who are buffeted by the tornadoes of life on a daily basis, every scar, every wrinkle, every pain, every gasp is a testimony of our strength. Yes, it’s great to be born a woman!