A short story by freelance writer, traveller and photographer Bhaskar Saikia
“YOU’LL GET a very good girl in life, much better than me,” my girlfriend said. Well, actually, she is now my ex-girlfriend. She said that while breaking up. I was not surprised; I have heard this many times from many girls. It is their way of escaping from a relationship. It is like a standard procedure during break-ups when the girl wants a separation while the guy insists on continuing.
I smiled for three reasons.
First, she didn’t mean what she said. I mean, come on, it is not in the nature of girls to digest her ex-boyfriend having a superior girlfriend. She probably meant: ‘Loser, you’re not going to have me, nor would you ever get anyone better than me. At least, settle for a mediocre girl.’ Nothing hurts a girl more than her ex-flame hanging out with a girl better than her!
Second, she had a better man in sight and stopped short of saying: ‘I’m dumping you, you idiot, because I deserve someone better than you.’
Third, this was to end the relationship diplomatically in order not to face trouble from this guy later in life.
‘She is just following the standard procedure, damn you,’ I thought.
“What are you thinking? And why are you smiling?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Tell me,” she insisted.
She was still the same insisting person I fell in love with. I looked into her eyes. The brown of her eyes held the rays of the dying sun. She looked beautiful, as always but something was missing. She lost her charm; that invisible power that could make any idiot weak, just like me! Charm is dangerous, because it gives absolute power to dictate upon whom the charm has worked.
We were standing by the shores of a lake. But unlike other days, we didn’t kiss. The long shadows on the water told me that it was the end of our journey together. Birds were flying, light breeze was also blowing, just like any other day, but none was romantic.
“You don’t deserve an answer!” I replied in a strong voice, perhaps the strongest she had ever heard from me. I walked away from her. She remained there, fixed in her place. I was slowly getting mad at her, but what was making me go crazy was the manner every girl has treated me. Similar break-up tales, similar full stops. Does every girl know this or is there any love syllabus where standard break-up procedures are laid down?
Standard procedures reminded me of a blog that I read from Paulo Coelho, the enigmatic Brazilian writer who talks about dreams. He said that for a war prisoner, there is Geneva Convention (approved on 22 August 1864) which laid down rules and standard procedure for protecting them from torture and harassment upon being captured by enemy. But there is none for those hurt in love, although this number is bigger than all the combined armies of the world. He said love is risky, besides being a blessing, because it can wound you. Wounds not often visible but extremely painful. He suggested that when love hurts, in the form of betrayals, seek the company of others. Watching soap operas, romantic tragedies or taking drugs will not help to overcome the grief. Only time can heal the wound. But to quicken the procedure of healing, the person who gave you the pain must be pardoned. This will help in forgetting her because what we pardon, we can forget.
Well, remembering that old blog did help me ease a little bit of pain. But after all these years of getting nowhere in love makes me feel like a refugee, always longing for home but have to stay on an exile. I have realized that getting into a relationship is easy, almost easy but getting a serious person in life, who is as honest in her intention of being committed, is a rarity. That is a R-A-R-I-T-Y!
I will sound like a male chauvinist if I only blame the girls for not making a relationship work. We guys are no less responsible. However, expecting the lightning to strike at the same place twice would be foolish, but in my case, I have accepted the fact that lightning can strike the same place numerous times. Well, I do sound like a male chauvinist while I always wanted to be chivalrous, courteous and gallant like the knights of the medieval age.
No matter how much I have walked on the road of love, crossing many milestones, I have none to be proud of. Love is supposed to give pleasure but ancient Greeks were wise when they decided to divide love into four forms, because love has many facades. The Greeks divided love into Storge, the love for family; Philia, the love for friendship; Eros, the romantic love and Agape, the divine love that liberates. I have found that it was Storge that always was responsible. The girls were either not strong enough to go against the Storge they had or were too weak to stand up for their Eros. But I have Philia, the love and care of my friends who have always pulled me back from life’s lowest points.
But there is a problem in this arrangement of fight between Storge and Eros, with Philia coming to my rescue every time. The recurring events just gets me nowhere in life. Instead of progressing ahead on the road of love, I’m like circling around a city centre, round and round and round. I need to decide that enough is enough. I need a lighthouse, a guiding light to help me sail my stranded ship out of the dark water of betrayals. And I think that I have found my lighthouse now. It is in Agape – the self emptying love, which will liberate my trapped ship into the divinity of pious water. It is the love that demands nothing but gives everything, everything one owns. This is so self fulfilling, no contradiction though. The more you give, the more you receive. The more you smile, the more, people will reciprocate. It’s like free hugs. Yes, it’s a wonderful experience to give free hugs. It may look stupid to people who don’t believe in such romantic ideas, but it is a very emotional experience when people, whom you don’t know, whom you have never met, come and hug you with the warmth of Agape.
The world will not change by this way, but a little spark of love will be ignited. That spark, maybe nothing, maybe it couldn’t touch beyond a handful of people, but this spark will definitely change that handful of people, forever. Among that handful, there might be a potential criminal, a person contemplating suicide, a broke man or an orphan, and because of the spark that free hug gave to them, because someone thought them to be worthy of being loved, they might decide to fight again in life, to live once more, to start from a new beginning, cleaning the slate. This is what Agape is. And, I, in my conscious desire, need to fill me heart with the emptiness this Agape gives.
I might not have lived the best of what life promises to give, but I have certainly lived. Because, in the words of Paulo Coelho, “Those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say, I have lived.”