By Aristotle Lyngdoh
This article is not meant to credit or discredit anyone but merely an attempt to ponder on few realities that we do not realize many a times but which form the basis of our associations and reveal some of the true picture of our attitudes and behaviours. Dikkanchi D Shira may have lost and was defeated by a strong blow of wave in the electoral battle, but that does not matter at all because she has completed and faced the challenge entrusted to her as a faithful companion fulfilling her duty to defend the head of her family who is also the head of the Government. She has staunchly defended her husband from the onslaught of the imminent and visible fallout by assimilating unto herself all the brunt of political defeat.
This is a good example of extra courage possessed by her to go the extra mile despite the fact that wrestling against the giant’s son is meaningless. This is also well understood in advance by everyone including those within the Congress party itself. But what matters the most here is ‘family’ and the relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes it is too difficult to segregate family from politics.
The point to be noted here as well is about family and dynastic politics and whether it is ideal for our democracy. When there are competent people with the potential for serving and who have the capacity to deliver, should people reject that opportunity? But dynasty here is not built by force or compulsion but by inspiration and goodwill unlike the dynasty built by the might of monarchy and cruelty of the zamindars. Yes there are family members who do not make any attempt to draw inspiration and build rapport with people except to rely on the image of their progenitor and the person’s personal appeal. Those who rely on other people’s charisma will never attract voters. Instead they will meet with the wrath of rejection as we have seen so many times.
In the case of Dikkanchi D Shira, she is not the only one who has stuck her neck out for her husband. There are many more women and faithful wives and mothers who in their own spheres of daily engagement may have confronted situations on behalf of their children and their presumably respected husbands. Men are sometimes reluctant to face unwanted situations and here lies their weakness. They try to avoid confrontations because they are worried about the outcomes, (in other words the fear of uncertain or less dignified outcome). Because of the need to preserve their self esteem men often become cowardly and selfish. It is an open fact that men will not leave any important event or meeting unattended even if it means putting their family at stake. Less important events and issues with no apparent benefit are left to be dealt by the other half of our life contracted in marriage (wife). She is the last resort when all options are exhausted. And that is why in most of the Parent-Teachers Meetings in schools female parents will always outnumber male parents.
There is one thing here that I fail to understand. Why should a trusted companion like Dikkanchi not be accommodated in the governance process of the Government? In fact as a reward for her obedience and courage she should be inducted into the cabinet with an important portfolio. Here is another example of a tribal mindset. When it comes to governance it seems we are scared of women and try to invoke customary or traditional laws and rituals.
For Dikkanchi winning and losing the election is not a big difference or a big deal. If she had won the credit would not go to her but to the one who has sent her to battle. The Rani of Jhansi is fighting what she believed is a threat to the prestige of her family and when that situation occurs, many ladies will rise on their feet because this spirit and attitude originates from the sense and attribute of ownership towards their own family. While men are afraid to accept defeat and humiliation, women have learnt to take things in their stride and move on.
It will require extra courage for men to accept defeat with humility. That is the courage that women display. There is no other way to better describe this quality than the loyalty and obedience shown by Dikkanchi. Had she been only a friend or a colleague she would have easily declines the offer to contest against the sympathy wave of the legendary PA Sangma – a political stalwart.
The notion that husband is the head of the family here has failed to prove its meaning and usefulness. Had the Chief Minister Dr. Mukul himself entered the fray and contested the just concluded bye-election from Tura, the picture would have been definitely different or perhaps a closer fight. But fielding a less formidable opponent is disastrous to the party.
In the tribal society like ours, it is a common practice by most of the people both working and non working class in utilising their wives’ name for extra business activities or to avail loan while the income and profit are being utilized by the husband. There are plenty of cases where the husband purposely defaulted on loan repayment and deserted the family as well. Here I have to be a little critical about our men folk for not standing up to the responsibility they have chosen. Women are pushed to venture into various activities to sustain their families and children.
Most often it is because their male counterpart is less productive or not serious enough about the wellbeing of the family. Nevertheless, women in tribal society are more entrepreneurial whereas men prefer less industrious job with huge returns – a system that leads to various corrupt practices. Men in our Khasi society can be like breeding bulls if we choose that option, but leadership is first bestows on man to take the lead in making a marriage work. Marriage in our tribal set up has plunged into deep confusion and disorder with relationships intertwined and their meanings degenerating. We cannot blame the system or anyone but leadership examples should be displayed by anybody irrespective or gender or sex.
‘A wise companion builds the family’ is a better phrase than ‘a wise woman builds her home’. Would it be appropriate then to say that Dikkanchi D Shira became a soft target and a pawn used by the forces of patriarchy in what is seen by the outside world to be a matrilineal society? Indeed this election requires to be critiqued by political scientists as it is an interesting issue of gender being used to win votes and in case of a victory the accruals flow and all the accolades would be for Dr Mukul Sangma and not Dikkanchi D Shira. But she is indeed ‘The Good Wife’.