By Corina Lyngdoh
The daily newspapers are a barometer for the problems in our society, ranging from drug addiction, drug peddling, alcoholism, rape, theft burglary, rash driving, drunken brawls, child abuse, human trafficking and so many more unreported stories. But as members of a society we tend to just brush them aside and merely blame the persons involved and are grateful perhaps that such acts are not committed by our kith and kin. What we fail to realize is that we cannot remain aloof from such problems as these affect the entire fabric of our well- being in society
How do we tackle such problems? The responsibility cannot be shifted to the schools or colleges only or to the community or the administration who are entrusted with maintenance of law and order or the government for not being able to provide the basic necessities of life. Very often we blame the police for not checking on such anti-social activities. Yes the role of the police is to mete out punishment to the wrongdoers and restrain them from committing such acts for some time. But these wrongdoings will be repeated as no one can keep a vigilant eye on them forever.
Most often we forget that it is none other than the family which is the most important agency that can put a check on these problems. Generally parents feel that their role is to feed and clothe their children, take care of them when they are sick, send them to school when they are of age, get them ready for school, see that their homework is done, make sure they study for tests and examinations, give them the best of food, clothes, toys, enjoyment etc. Then they pat themselves on their backs and gloat on the fact that they have successfully done and sacrificed so much for their children.
What we fail to realize amidst this hustle-bustle of life is that parenting is not only giving your child everything they want; it is not merely being your child’s friend. It is about preparing your child to be a useful and respectful person in society by instilling values in them. Our purpose as parents is to ingrain values such as honesty, respect, compassion, integrity, having a vision and setting these and many other values as their priorities in life. A child’s attitude is an expression of his values and expectations. When values, thoughts, feelings and actions are in alignment, a person becomes focused and his character is strengthened.
Very young children from the age of three perhaps can be taught what it is to be honest in what they do in school with their friends and other family members or while playing. Parents, on the other hand, should make the time to listen to them while having food together or watching TV and relate to how their day had been spent and impart life’s values simultaneously. In this modern age of use of technology and social media as a means of communication there is less interaction among members of a family. Toddlers are given cell phones to entertain them in the absence of baby sitters. Teenagers and even adults are constantly glued to their phones interacting with their friends and family members. In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.
The bond that links a family is not only one of blood but of respect and compassion for one another. Billy Graham, the world renowned evangelist once stated, ‘A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.’ Do our children know what it means to be respectful? Or is it only when parents shower them with expensive things, having birthday bashes, giving expensive clothes and gifts, plenty of food and drinks, music and so on that parents feel that they can gain respect from them? How about showing respect and compassion towards other members of the family or relatives or neighbours?
Small things like taking care of the sick and elderly, helping those in need of basic things like food, clothing or money should be considered beneficial. Character is built on respect of one for the other. If our children are not made to realize the clear demarcation between what is good and what is bad then the future of our society is bleak. Children should be made to understand the realities of life. Life is not only about having good clothes to wear, good food to eat, nice cars to drive around, expensive accessories to carry along etc. They should be made to understand that whatever is being provided to them comes with a price and a huge responsibility with it. Seeing the number of two wheelers and cars parked alongside the roads near colleges makes one often wonder how students are able to maintain a vehicle or are their parents just lavishing their wealth on them without making them understand the financial burden they have to carry?
The youth of today should be made to know what is meant by hard work, discipline, perseverance to be able to stand on one’s own feet and to decide their future. At the end of the day the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.
“The qualities of a great man are vision, integrity, courage, understanding, the power of articulation and profundity of character,” said Dwight Eisenhower. Parents should embed in the mindset of children that they should have a vision or an idea of the future. They should focus on what they want in life and how to achieve them. Their dreams should be meticulously calculated. Goals should be set and the ways and means to achieve them should be laid out clearly. A purpose in life should be created and be able to connect with their passion. Having these in mind will help in determining their attitudes in life and overcoming obstacles to pursue their dreams. Create a vision for the life they want and make them work relentlessly towards making it a reality. When values, thoughts, feelings and actions are in alignment a person becomes focused and his character is strengthened.
This article is a tribute to my father who passed away many years ago but whose sound and wise words still keep ringing in our ears. In spite of his tight schedule as a bureaucrat under the Government of Assam and later on under the Government of Meghalaya until his retirement, he never failed to imbibe in us life’s values. Every moment that we spent together as a family at home during meals or during our outings to watch a football match or just to buy story books and then having snacks on Saturdays or during our family picnics or vacations outside our state, we were continuously reminded of these values. My mother’s role was to lend a loving support to my father and to us. Her ceaseless effort to provide us with every need was necessary to build confidence in us and make us believe in ourselves. One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.