By Adelia Nongbri
Dear Reader,
A recent article that was shared by a close friend bearing the ghastly title ‘KUMNO KI KYNTHEI KIN PHIKIR BAN IADA IA LADE?’ published by a vernacular daily, on the October 7,2020, is in no way written about safeguarding women, especially women who have survived sexual violence and trauma. If anything it should have come with a Trigger Warning. With a heavy underlying tone of victim blaming, slut shaming and objectification of girls and women so blatantly, the article failed to address the ills and impact of patriarchy in this already menacing world. Instead it catapulted its ugliness even further and tries to influence the minds of the innocent, of the not so scholarly, the ignorant, the easily led cattle and targets girls and women who have been victims of sexual assault and violence.
Firstly, it shocks the reader that it was written by a “scholar”? Very questionable as to when the article was written; was it way back when India was still under colonial rule? Pre independence era maybe? The condescending tone, the disruptive flaunting of misogyny and sexist remarks is highly unacceptable and disgusting in today’s day and age. Only a spiteful person could have written such rubbish with such audacity, and hatred for the fairer sex.
The article insinuates that women do not know themselves; that they are weak and need to be infantilised. That women should be like snakes; oh the stark irony, (even an atheist knows this is an insult!) that Technology is the devil himself. The scholar goes further as to say that social media platforms are to be avoided at all costs. This is debatable, and up to the parents to decide and lecture their young.
Another advice by the scholar is that women should avoid other women, especially those who drink beer or (use hand sanitizers if you will), by whose judgement remains a great mystery. Another ‘don’t’ is that girls should avoid telling non-veg jokes and to not smile at boys as this could mean trouble. And because kids these days have loose morals, hence self- control is the scholar’s justification.
Secondly, the scholar shamelessly quotes the infamous singer UN Sun from one of his cocky lyrics, of the lost glory of the virgin girl and women alike. I cannot begin to tell you that I am tempted to quote the fierce Indian scholar, Spivak at this point but I will refrain from doing so because it is seemingly pointless to educate a scholar. My question is who made the scholar the protector of women’s bodies? Who gave him the right to spew out unsolicited opinions regarding a woman’s reproductive rights and sexual activity, especially in personal matters such as intercourse? Who should be given the power over women to label one as touched/ untouched and in whose sense of jurisdiction? And this entire moral policing in the name of saving the Khasi woman? From whom? From people who share similar views as the scholar? More so in a post me-too world? Oh! cut us some slack please, keep your regressive thoughts to yourself. Maybe this itself is the cause of women’s depression in the state. Did you think about that scholar? Why not come up with logical solutions to help the youth if you really care for their future prospects and offer your wisdom and ‘scholarly knowledge’; build them up; listen to their issues, instead of giving them a lecture on their morals. They definitely do not need to hear it from you.
If this was not enough, the scholar goes on to blame women for their own depression, blames women for influencing others to consume alcohol and basically, blaming women for everything that is wrong with the world. And if by chance women get raped in the future it is their fault as suggested. Would a scholar say this about an infant? That she exposed herself to be raped? That the child wore revealing clothing? Why not condemn the rapist in the first place for committing the act? Would you dare use the same logic for the Nirbhaya and Hathras rape cases? Or are you simply unaware?
That the culture of victim-blaming is as old as society itself, is not a myth, but in fact a cruel reality, and must be stopped and vehemently called out. A feminist psychologist, Dr. Jessica Taylor in her work, ‘Why Women are Blamed for Everything’ exposes the sad reality that confronts victims of sexual violence and assault on a daily basis. It is a vicious cycle indeed one that needs a deep introspection and realisation of it all through the eyes of the survivor and only theirs. Who are we to speak on their behalf and their experiences?
Thirdly, if the scholar is truly concerned about women’s rights then a change in mindset is the need of the hour and not judgement. We are in the twenty-first century just so you know, where equality is welcomed and celebrated in every aspect of life and given a fair opportunity. In the 21st century men are seen as allies in a post-feminist world. Now women speak of trashing systemic patriarchy and NOT men in general. To conclude, in the powerful words of the notorious Ruth Bader Ginsburg, ‘All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks’
My silence is not complicity but reader, are you complicit? My stance is with the young girls and boys, and also women who are portrayed poorly and mercilessly. And yes, I am taking sides. Me, the exhausted feminist!
