By Bhogtoram Mawroh
Though it may appear to be an academic exercise, the debate as to whether the Khasis are to be categorised as matriarchal or matrilineal is a very crucial one. Within the core of this debate is the tussle between two very distinct ideologies, matriarchy versus patriarchy. Communities who may try to define themselves as being a matriarchy are labelled as either being mistaken or worse as actually just being a watered-down version of patriarchy. The Khasi society is not immune to such confusions with many of its own staunchest defenders succumbing to the idea that it’s not a matriarchy but only a matrilineal society.
Matriarchy is defined as rule by women that have to take the form of powerful queens who, like powerful male kings, have ultimate power of life and death in the society. Matrilineal society, on the other hand, are those that excepting the lineage, women are trapped in a patriarchal setting with men holding ultimate power. Those who support the idea that the Khasis are a matrilineal and not matriarchal society take the example of the traditional durbar where women are not allowed to participate. That custom is quite consistent in many matriarchal communities like the Minang Kabaw from Indonesia, the largest matriarchal community in the world. On the surface this may look like a very patriarchal arrangement. What is forgotten is the fact that the men who take part in this gathering represent the female’s clan. So, although it’s the men who take part in the decision making process they do it on behalf of the women (mothers) who have given them the responsibility. In the final analysis nothing is done without consultation and agreement from the female members of the clan. In Minang Kabaw (through personal communication) this still remains very strong. Among the Khasis it can be argued that this feature has declined.
A look at the Garo, though, may give some indication of what the situation may have been in the past for their neighbours, the Khasis. The A’King Nokma is the custodian of all the clan lands in the community and is a woman. To the outside world, though, it is the husband who represents her. When she divorces the man he loses the authority and she inherits the mantle of the Nokma. She remains the Nokma until she marries again (if she ever does so). In time, the title will pass to her daughter who will do the same. Ultimate authority, thus, rests with the woman but is channelled through her husband. In the same manner, the men in the Durbar represent the authority of their mothers who will ratify the final decision. Thus, though not in form (outward appearance) but in essence (internal workings), women’s participation in decision making was ensured. In time this system has eroded among the Khasis. Still outward appearance does matter and this is where it is very important to understand a crucial feature of matriarchy. Matriarchy is not the opposite of patriarchy.
Gender equality is the hallmark of matriarchal society which is in complete opposition to the emphasis of gender domination in patriarchy. As discussed above, the final refuge of authority lies with the female/matriarch. But unlike in patriarchy where a similar situation leads to hoarding of power, here it is shared. The men are not side-lined but are given the opportunity to take part in political decision making by acting as the surrogate for the women. In the end the final decision is but a collective one. Furthermore, another instance of gender equity is when a man gets married to a woman he does not abandon his clan. This is in contrast to patriarchy where women are alienated from their family after marriage. He continues to carry his surname while the children get the mother’s surname. The man’s identity/lineage is not obliterated but allowed to exist along with his wife’s. Here again it is not domination but accommodation.
Then there’s the marital arrangement. Following matrilocality a man has to take residence at his wife’s place. And though a man may not enjoy the same kind of influence in the wife’s house he as the kni (maternal uncle) wields a lot of responsibility in his sister’s house. The simple reason for this arrangement is because his sister and her children share the same clan, while his wife and his children do not. Among the Pnar, men only have visitation rights which is common in other matriarchal communities like the Mosuo in China. It is highly probable that being of the same stock like the Pnar, Khasi (a common term for Khynriam, Bhoi, War, Lyngngam, War, Maram including the Pnars) must have a similar system. To those who have got used to a patriarchal worldview this may seem to be demeaning to the males. In fact, the lack of respect (!) for the husband has been cited by some as the inferior position of men in Khasi society. This is a paradoxical situation.
On the one hand, there are those who swear that Khasis are not a matriarchal society but instead a matrilineal (which means it’s the men who hold ultimate power) society. On the other hand, there are those who complain that men have no influence in the society (women are dominant). Obviously, both situations cannot coexist at the same time. This means either both are wrong or at least one is wrong. In reality, both are wrong! As mentioned above, a man’s position as the kni holds great importance. A husband is also a brother which means lack of influence at one location (wife’s home) is compensated by abundance of it in the other (sister’s home). But a female in a patriarchal society has limited rights at her in-laws and none at her parents’ place after marriage.
Apart from gender equity, the condition that the khatduh is not the owner but the custodian of the ancestral property highlights another important aspect of matriarchal cultures, custodianship versus ownership (the role of kni in disposal of ancestral property is again very important which shows that all decisions are collective and mutual). In this age of unbridled exploitation of resources which has led to rampant environmental degradation and accelerating climate change, the value of thinking not just for oneself but for others who may not even yet born is the need of the hour. After all who but a mother who carries the unborn child in her womb understands the value of future lives? And since she is the one through whom the community will continue, a society based on the value systems of motherhood: nurturing, caring, generosity, will give importance to communal benefit (present and future) over (short term) private greed.
Matriarchy is not the opposite of patriarchy, i.e., it does not mean domination of women by the men. Matriarchies are, as characterized by Heidi Goettner-Abendroth, “non-domination of women even while they hold full economic and spiritual authority”. It celebrates gender equity by giving importance to both genders. Complemented by the ideas of custodianship it is what any society which has aspiration for a more egalitarian and humane vision should aim for. Challenges are not absent. The imposition of an economic system based on importance of exchange value, weakening of the clan solidarity and proliferation of patriarchal practises like violence against women has sought to dismantle the traditional order. An important example of this is the traditional durbar which has become a bastion of exclusive male power. Women’s absence is used as a sign of their being unfit to rule. Forgotten is the fact it is supposed to be a mutual exercise. Concrete actions like inclusion of women members in the durbar and ultimately a woman being chosen as the Rangbah shnong would be an important corrective to bring back the values that originally underlie the system. At the same time, espousal of matriarchal values and opposition to those who choose to downgrade the Khasi as being just matrilineal is paramount.
Khasis are a matriarchal society and the pride at the genius of our ancestors for creating this beautiful social framework must be supported by the present generation by defending its values and making corrections where required. The world needs matriarchal values to help it come out of the morass it has got itself into. It’s a big responsibility and as Khasis we should be proud about it.
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