Elections to the Parliament or to the State Assembly are supposed to be solemn serious business as they are exercises in a Parliamentary Democracy when people come together to elect the leaders that are supposed to lead them. Where to, is a different question altogether. Elected representatives themselves, including the electorate that voted them to power, are hard put for an answer and I have no desire to debate the issue here. On the contrary I propose to look at the other side of the coin; at the funny side of elections and what they bring to the table.
There are a total of 375 candidates for all the 60 seats available in the Meghalaya Assembly. If we are observant enough to perceive when we read the daily papers, we come across an astonishing phenomenon. We come across 375 people with a wide array of followers who swear on the head of their mothers who bore them, that their everyday thoughts has always been about the welfare of the people of this state and on ways and means to raise the standard of living of the wretched people of Meghalaya. We now suddenly have 375 people with sincere concerns about the state and level of poverty Meghalaya suffers from and some are so concerned and distressed that their immediate urge is to start reducing this poverty by distributing their life’s savings to one and all ( don’t look too closely how it was acquired. That’s considered politically impolite). There are rumors that the more desperate are even distributing 25,000 per family while some who are more tight fisted are making do with pressure cookers , dining sets, aluminium pots and pans and even electric kettles. Not to be outdone others have contracted caterers and other hospitality experts on how to keep a 24×7 kitchen going simply to feed the hungry and the poor. This concern for the marginalized and downtrodden is awe inspiring. It brings back memories of the community soup kitchens run by charities during the Blitz on London during WWII.
This winter has been quite severe and even now well past the 15th of Feb, the cold still lingers and has refused to leave. The electoral philanthropists one spoke about earlier have been quick to take note of this change in climate. Can’t let the poor voter die of cold before they cast their votes. I am told that an enterprising candidate, contesting from one of the colder constituencies, has ordered a containerful of those lovely fluffy Chinese blankets to distribute in his constituency. The sudden love and concern for the poor has to be seen to be believed. The change of heart, tolerance and open-mindedness for the welfare of the poor and the underprivileged is wondrous to observe, however brief and transitory it might be . One hopeful, of a past election, confessed how he came home one night, tired and worn out after a day of campaigning simply to find two of his supporters , dead drunk, reeking of the local hooch, snoring away on his bed. He didn’t have the heart to offend them by waking them up and so he ended up sleeping on the sagging and lumpy spare bed kept in his garage. Sad to add that he lost the elections but the scar of the incident remained and he later bitterly complained “Ka jingsngew sohsat te phi. Ban ym dei por election nga lah kyrdem haduh ba kan dalah ia mih eit. ”( Had it not been for the elections I would have kicked the s**t out of them) Ah, one should not underestimate the power of the vote to invoke compassion, social tolerance and understanding for the unfortunates of society. Even for reeking, foul smelling drunks occupying your bed. I never had the nerve to ask where and how his wife spent that particular night!
The reader might also be surprised at the medicinal properties of elections. Candidates suddenly develop improved eyesight and all of a sudden start noticing leaking water mains, appalling roads lined with potholes and broken drains, unmanned PHCs and CHCs especially in the rural areas; leaking school buildings and the general breakdown of infrastructure that has remained neglected and overlooked for years. The Govt of the day suddenly finds that it has plenty of unutilized funds that need to be spent. Unheard of Govt schemes are suddenly rediscovered and District Magistrates and BDOs are suddenly swamped with projects that demand immediate implementation.
As a side line, I would be very much interested in the percentage of survival of those piglets distributed to dumfounded farmers a few months ago. Perhaps some large hearted and curious RTI expert might like to find out. MLAs also suddenly wake up to the fact that they have money to spare from the MLA funds that they have been hoarding and sitting on like brooding hens for the last four years. Work orders for repairs then start falling like confetti at a wedding party. That desire to do good; to be charitable ; to be benevolent; to be compassionate and to bring forth that humanitarian streak that lay buried so long in our selfish natures can only be prodded and awakened by elections. This reaches to such a crescendo that at times the candidate himself gets carried away with his new found obsession to do good to others. He sincerely believes that God too has noticed his good deeds and ticked marked them in his golden note book for future reference. Therefore it is no wonder for some over enthusiastic hopefuls to proclaim that “he and his family will find themselves someday sitting in the front pews in some mansion beyond the pearly gates”!
Let me remind the reader that decades and even centuries of preaching could not have had such a phenomenal impact in converting people to love their fellow beings as elections can. May Lakshmi not forget to shower her blessings on those who give away thousands in charity ( only during election time of course) to the poor, in the expectation to make crores out of such investments. The only tragedy is that this “new found love for thy neighbor” is expected to last only till the 27th of February 2023. After that it’s back to normal, every man for himself and even if scores should perish under illegal coal pits, it’s the fault of the poor themselves for venturing into such dangerous places. The rich will continue to remain above suspicion.
It is claimed that Meghalaya is a predominant Christian state or so I am told. Politicians have never lost sight of this aspect and have always been quick to refer to the bible, its quotes and its parables to strengthen any particular pitch they wish to impress their audience with. In the current polls a particular party has been lambasted for using the tune of a religious hymn to prop up their electioneering limerick. Well I guess all’s fair in love and war. Lessons from the bible to love one another, to practice charity and to help the poor have been referred to above. One of the more used references is to forgiveness where the candidate seeking votes for himself does not forget to ask forgiveness for any wrongs of omission and commission of his past. Shame, What shame? Another quote from the holy book often used in poll campaigns is the issue of faith. Canvassing candidates have never lost the opportunity to employ the analogy of the mustard seed with the faith the voter must have on them and the party they represent.
Most of us have attended and heard these passionate excerpts from the Bible and the gullible amongst us have lived to rue the day we swallowed such crap. Some might call such practices opportunistic but lets allow the poor souls this chance to practice their art of oratory because once elected, in the Assembly, most prefer to clam shut and remain dumb as mannequins. Yes politicians have quoted all the Bible verses to hype up their image , but how come not one of them have ever referred or mentioned Zacchaeus, the man who returned back to the public what he had stolen from them ?