By H H Mohrmen
Now that monogamy is the rule, people believe that a couple marrying for a lifetime is a tradition in the Khasi and Jaiñtia culture. It is also believed that couples seldom divorce as a wedded pair remains committed to each other throughout their lives. The truth is that the idea of “till death do us part,” or that two people should remain committed to each other for their entire lives, is an influence from outside cultures. In the past, people in the area married multiple times, and it was an accepted norm. Marrying multiple times was intricately embedded in different layers of the culture. Let’s take Jowai as a case in point to study and understand this aspect of tradition. Jowai still has rich traditions with stories that accompany the traditions. So first, one must understand Jowai’s one important characteristic.
The Pohchnong – The Old Jowai
For those who are unaware, Jowai comprises two regions: the old Jowai, called Pohchnong, and the new Jowai, called Pohskur. Pohchnong is where the first settlers of the area lived; it was the place from where Jowai originated. Evidence of this is the existence of a place that used to be a market, and to this day, the place is known as Ïawïongpiah (ïaw means market). Adjacent to it is a place called Pohdaikhoo (a place where rice was sold). This area must have been a market place when Jowai was just the Pohchnong area. According to tradition, the entire area known as Pohchnong is the only part of the town mentioned in the oral narratives. It is also the only segment of the town which finds mention in the story of the four divine women who first settled in Jowai. To this day, the majority of people who follow Niamtre live in this part of the town and hence the place is still rich in cultures and traditions and the oral stories are still being narrated from time to time.
Pohskur or Mission Compound
Pohskur developed later, and the name has a connection with the Welsh missionaries who arrived in the area. One might ask, why “Pohskur” or “Skur?” In Jowai, if someone wants to know another’s religious affiliation, they would not ask if they are Christian; they would ask, “Are you skur or chnong?” Skur is a term used for Christians, and Chnong refers to those who still follow the Niamtre religion. Chnong also means village, though it’s unclear why followers of Niamtre are called “ki chnong,” we have some idea why and how Christians are called ki Skur.
How did the area come to be known as Pohskur, and why are Christians called “ki Skur”? Christians in Jowai are called “ki Skur” because when the Welsh missionaries entered villages where Niamtre people lived, they started schools and encouraged parents to send their children to these schools. This likely led to the term “ki skur” because the first interaction of the missionaries with the people was through school. Meanwhile, Niamtre people are called “ki chnong” maybe because they live in the older parts of the village.
Pohskur was once the outskirts of old Jowai, as confirmed by the presence of ossuaries and cremation grounds of different clans in and around the Mission Compound area. For instance, the ossuary of the Soo kpoh clan is located at Mission Compound, while those of the Passah, Challam, and Laloo clans are in the Chutwakhu area. Cremation grounds are located in the Tre dieiñling and Khimusniang area. Another cremation ground is located in the outskirts of Dulong locality. By tradition cremation grounds and ossuaries were always established outside the village. Moolikso is a place where the final rites of those who died unnatural deaths is performed and it is also located at the outskirts of the chnong.
The area now known as Mission Compound or Pohskur is where the Welsh missionaries first settled. It was the first extension of the chnong Jowai after the missionaries’ intervention and later on other localities in Jowai came up. When the missionaries gained converts, these new converts were excommunicated by their relatives and had to move to where the missionaries lived in Pohskur (Dr Nigel Jenkin, 1995 Gwalia in Khasia). The place where the first Christians converts moved to is called Pohskur till today.
Cohabitation Was the Norm
In the past, solemnizing marriages with weddings was rare. The common way of entering into wedlock was cohabitation, or “ïa chong,” where the couple decided to live together and then informed their relatives. Both families would then meet at the woman’s house for a ceremony called “pynche kurim.” In Nangbah village, a special rice cake called “tpu pynche,” made of red rice, sticky rice, and jaggery, is shared during the ceremony. Kiad Pyche or alcohol is also part of the tradition. Traditionally, even Christian weddings were rare. Most couples chose to live together without any ceremony, which was another accepted norm for entering into marriage.
One Life Partner was a Special Status
Just two or three generations ago, it was rare for someone to have only one husband or wife. Having many spouses or marrying several times was normal. This is especially true before the arrival of missionaries in the region. The idea that a couple should remain committed to only one partner for life came from Western influence. For example, my grandmother on my father’s side (men) married twice and her four children were from her two husbands. My great-grandmother on my mother’s side (beipun) also had two daughters and one son from two husbands. It was not a taboo to marry multiple times, and there was no stigma attached to those who married twice or thrice in their lives.
In fact, those who married only once earned a special status in society and were called “ki kynsai.” The “Ki Kynsai or the chong sati” (never married) also have a special place which means there is a special place for them in ancestor veneration ceremony, and there were special ceremonies when the person who did not marry or chong sati is cremated. In the Behdieñkhlam festival, when “ka siang ka pha/ka siang ka phur is offered to the ancestor called ki Syngngia ki saret, a special plate is offered for the “ki kynsai or ki chong sati,” The cremation grounds, ossuaries, and even the “thaw thang sati” (cremation grounds for the “chong sati”) had to be located outside the human settlement.
Thang Sati: Final rites for those who never married
Apart from the ossuaries, an important but lesser-known element of tradition is the “ki thaw thang sati.” These are neglected landmarks of Jowai which people tend to ignore. There are four remnants of this tradition in Jowai: one is the “thaw thang sati” of the Dkhar clan which is part of the Children’s Park near the Deputy Commissioner’s office, another is that of the Laloo or Ïawchibidi clan opposite of the District Veterinary office, in Mynthong, and two more near Jrisaleiñ playground. The other two are thaw thang sati of the Passah and the Challam clan. These are special areas meant for the unique cremation ceremony which is no longer practiced.
The Concept of “Ka Thang Sati”
Initially, I thought the tradition of “ka thang sati” among the War and Pnar people was similar to the Hindu practice where widows would jump into their husband’s funeral pyre. However, the term “sati” has a different meaning in the Khasi and Jaiñtia context. It refers to virginity or purity.
The “thang sati” is a special cremation for people who did not marry. The cremation takes place at a designated “thaw thang sati” and at the specially designated spot there is a single dolmen, “mooknor” or “mawkynthei,” but without a menhir or “moopynïeiñ.” In Nongtalang, this practice is called “thang knot/knor” and involves burning a wooden stool called “knor/knot” along with the body of the woman who died without marrying.
Divorce was the norm
Divorce was common in the past, and there is a process in place and the couple has to follow the process if they decide to divorce. The tradition is called “pylleit san chyieiñ” or “e chipiah” in Pnar, where “chipiah” refers to half of a whole, symbolizing the breaking of a relationship. A piece of betel nut, pan leaf, and half a coin were used in the process. The divorce process can be initiated by either of the parties and it is finalized in the presence of the Pator, who would then ask the Sangot to make public and announce the separation throughout the village when the process is completed.
Till Death Do Us Part
The idea of staying committed to one person for life is a Western influence. In the past, marrying several times was normal, and there was no stigma attached to it. In fact those who married only once were given a special status in society.
