By HH Mohrmen
A bumper sticker I proudly displayed on my car which was peeled off a few months after it was fixed says, ‘Minds are like parachute, they work only when they are open.’ It is to our benefit to have a mind that is open to ideas, suggestions and advice even from unexpected quarters. It was an honour to be part of the group of women and children living with HIV and the brief interface with them taught me valuable lessons. It was quality time that one would not trade for anything else.
I was invited by the Jaintia Network of Positive People to join them in the candle light vigil to remember those who died of AIDS. This was held at the Faith Christian Church, Campus Salaroh, Jowai. The event was organized in collaboration with the Meghalaya State Network of Positive People and the Faith Christian Church. The Church under the leadership of Rev. H Khonglah and Dr. J N Shullai has rendered yeoman’s service in enabling people living with HIV to organise themselves and form their own network in Jaintia hills and more importantly to render logistical support to their cause. The church has been the solitary voice of support and advocacy for the cause of people living with HIV in both the East and West Jaintia hills district.
The two women who shared the dais related how the stories of their lives unfolded after they discovered that they were HIV positive. They express deep anguish at being stigmatised and sometimes ostracised by their own kith and kin and this is something very painful. That journey was hard and agonizing, but they did not blame anybody, not even their spouses for the plight that they were in, rather they accepted what faith has bestowed on them and went on with their lives. The attitude of not dwelling in the past and accepting the things that one cannot change is the attitude of people with an indomitable spirit. A person with an unwavering spirit despite the pitfalls; one who chooses to move on and take things as they come is a person with a message. That is the spirit and message of the group of HIV+ people. We all need to learn from this small group of women and children. We are made to understand that the disease is like the sword of Damocles which hangs over their head, yet rather than complaining they choose to live life as long as they can. It makes one wonder if we who are supposedly healthy people are not living in the same situation. Is it not true that death stares us in the face, yet we live as if we are never going to die, but live eternally! We live as if death cannot visit us at least in the near future. Is it not true that the same sword of Damocles hangs over each and everyone’s head and yet we pretend as if it does not exist? The candle light vigil help one realize that life is unpredictable. There are twists and turns and death traps that ensnare us in the abyss of death. And the lesson here is that one should not quarrel with the past or complain and curse our own fates, but to look ahead to the future with the strength and spirit at our command and move on with life. That is the spirit that deserves to be appreciated.
The network was formed to create awareness among the victims and more importantly as a peer support group in their journey as HIV patients. It was a pleasant surprise to see the camaraderie among the members of the network. They were like members of the same family. The candle light memorial was also an opportunity for them to share their stories and there were so many stories not only about members struggling to live a near normal life even with HIV but also stories of members supporting themselves to live the difficult life. For some of the members, often the only support was from the network as there is no one else to lend them a helping hand. At times they only need a shoulder to cry on and they have always found one in the members of the network. The network is an extension of their own combined efforts to help one another, and the message is crystal clear – there is life even while the virus is gradually eating you alive. Unlike other organizations and associations of people the network of positive people is perhaps the only group which does not want its tribe to increase. Hence the networks’ effort is also to create awareness among their members and the public at large about the disease. They do not wish to spread the disease hence they take extra care to make sure that the disease does not spread any further.
The candle light memorial reminds them, that they live in the shadow of death. Next year their friends could very well light a candle in their memory but as of now, life goes on as long as the frail body can carry the unconquerable soul. Another lesson that one learns from such a gathering is the reality of death which could come to any one of us at any time. We don’t really know our appointed time. I may not be HIV+, but no one can guarantee that one of the candles next year will not be in my memory, because death does not discriminate.
People present in the celebration of the International Candle Light Memorial, Jowai were only women and children. There were no adult male members. Surely the virus does not discriminate between male and female members. So my question is where are the men? The fact that there were no male members present at the observance of the day is worrying. One hopes that the men folk are as concerned as the women who suffer from the disease, about the spread of this virus. One also hopes that HIV+ men will also learn to be responsible and extra cautious in their way of life so that they do not knowingly help spread the disease.
It takes courage to come out of the closet and declare that one is a HIV+ patient. It is even more challenging if the patient is a female. But it takes extraordinary courage to reach out to fellow sufferers and to the world at large. I admire those women who came out and have taken lead of the Network of Positive People.
I must thank the JNP+ for allowing me to be part of the candle light vigil. I have learned so much from the small gathering. They have taught me so many valuable lessons I shall always cherish. They have taught me the true spirit of kindness. Above all the lesson one derives is that one may be weak and at times feel very unwell but one should continue to use one’s life to help and support others and reach out to those similarly afflicted or inflicted. If I live to see another year, I shall make it a point to take part in the next candle light memorial and light a candle as a gesture of appreciation to the indomitable spirit of people living with HIV. I will also light a candle each year to salute the resolute spirit of people living with HIV.