By James Perry
I have spent more than half my life in the Khasi hills; was born in Mawlai and moved around in homes like a local kid. I would say my own family was very patriarchal: my father controlled the purse strings, gave my mother a certain amount each month to run the household, but as in most families matrilineal or patriarchal we were closest to our mother. She cared for us, fed us and taught us, including most of the moral values we hold today. We had a lot of personal time with our mother. On the other hand much of the time with our father was more formal.
This writing is in support of Matriliny or Patriarchy or any other form of family life. Neither is it an indictment of either system. It is a point of view from a person who sees and hears all around this place the constant stirring and movement from groups wanting a change.
Change is inevitable, whether or not we like it. In fact discussions and debates are often good and open up a person’s thoughts especially in this rapidly changing society with so many outside influences. Yet the real danger to Matriliny is not from hard core groups like Syngkhong Rympei Thymmai or others who promote a change to Patriarchy. The real danger is from the undercurrents of cultural evolution that are happening at a steady pace and will in a short time completely change the society. Whether that change is for better or worse is not for me to judge, but things are changing. Even within the last ten years of my travels in Khasi hills I can see the distinct differences and change.
If you travel through the areas from Nongpoh to Marngar and beyond to Umden and on to Assam the trend before was for a Khasi village to be Matrilineal while the Karbi villages were Patrilineal and Patriarchal. The norm was also that if a Karbi married a Khasi and they went to either one or the other’s villages to settle they would follow the norms of that village as far as heredity is concerned. However, now when you travel to these areas you will see that people in most Khasi villages are also using the father’s last name and following a more patriarchal system. Even, to my limited understanding, the Scheduled Tribe (ST) certificates are issued without question to a Khasi who takes his/her father’s last name or a Karbi that does so. From my point of view the ST certification is just a commentary of what is happening. This is not the main point. In Canada a native is a native even if he/she only has a small percentage of native hereditary blood. My point is that if a society or culture stands by a norm and around every corner the norm is flouted then the core and centre of that society and culture will fail and is failing.
Now, let me come to the point. I am a non Khasi born of Canadian parents. However, for various reasons, fate being one of them, I was born here and now am married here to a Khasi lady. My family has always been proud to say we lived in the Khasi hills, proud to say we came from an area that was different from others, proud to say that families in the Khasi hills followed a Matrilineal system and proud to explain to others when they looked at us and said, “Really? They take their mothers last name?” And now I am even proud to say that I have married a Khasi woman and proud to say my children take her clan name.
I am not saying one way is better than another. My wife and I have chosen to live here and therefore felt it appropriate to adopt the way of the area we live in. I have read several newspaper articles and have been in discussion with groups like SRT and with others about this underlying belief that all the problems of the Khasi people are caused by the fact that they are Matrilineal. Supposedly, males feel less than they should because of various reasons, like not owning a home and being told they have no part in their mother’s home, and also told they are not part of their wife’s home. I don’t want to get into all the details of what supposedly is the cause of all the ills that affect the society – such as divorce, alcoholism, abuse and so on, all blamed on by so many on the s Matrilineal society. To me these arguments are untenable and are made by people who are insular and really don’t look outwards, because, hey, most of the world is also going through these same problems and let’s face it most of the world is not Matrilineal. These are the problems caused by our modern society and the changing desires of us human beings. But if someone begs to ask what the problem is, I don’t know. All I know is that it is not because of the Matrilineal system.
Having said this I do not say the system or any system does not have inherent problems, but why not work on those problems instead of changing the system? It is my belief that there are going to be many more problems in this society on account of this evolutionary change in taking one’s father’s clan name. Within a generation or two many will not know if they are dating or marrying a relative, since they have taken their father’s clan name while others continue taking their mother’s. Unless a family tree is maintained we may not know our descent. One may eventually marry a person who is of the same clan.
Often you have the people who have taken their father’s clan name but preach about culture and holding to tradition and go on about being proud to be a Khasi, even telling people that ‘the Khasi’s take their lineage from their mother’s clan. I sometimes wonder how they explain that they themselves have taken their father’s clan name. They express pride on being Khasi, but are they still Khasis if they are not adhering to tradition? Can one choose to let go of some traditions but not others and still call oneself a member of a tribe that by all other names is a Matrilineal Tribe and claiming that Matriliny is part of the culture?
When a researcher or journalist comes to me and asks about the Matrilineal system, I direct them to rural areas, saying you cannot judge or look at Matriliny or a culture by sitting in Shillong. City people and those who have moved to the city are influenced by so many things that the life style and system can no longer be looked at as an example of what Matriliny should be or had been.
This article is not a judgment on Matriliny and the changes it has undergone. It is simply a view point from a person who has travelled as an outsider but is often accepted as a local. To me the Matrilineal Culture in its ideal form and the way it was envisaged by the Khasis of yore is a beautiful thing and should be cherished and loved as part of a unique culture that may soon disappear. Why fight your lineage and lay the blame for family problems on a lineage system? The pragmatic thing to do is to examine the problems that may exist, as they do exist in all cultures, and work to resolve those problems and leave the lineage alone!