HOLIDAY MUSINGS

By Paramjit Bakhshi

What a year- last year was. Thankfully there was no agitation, but regrettably, there was no autumn festival either. 2014 was peaceful, but it was kind of boring too. The CALM festival was too calm, the wine fest was not so heady, the international tourism fair not very touristy and the book fair, a non affair. Even the much publicised “Smokie”, was more smoke than fire, and the sparkling year end festival, which could have been named Drinkie, glittered more in the shards of broken bottles littering the streets on New Year’s Day. So perhaps this year things need to be stirred up a bit. Perhaps not as violently as an agitation does, but a little gently, in a manner one shakes up a cocktail. We always like a little action. And a reaction. In Shillong silence is always golden, no matter what happens. But boy, you do, or say, or write something and you invite reactions from people, who seem to live merely, to react to anything. Look how much reaction the SP has invited in Laitumkhrah by repeatedly writing, merely just these two words –“No Parking.”

You remember, when the present Chief Secretary took over, and said something about coal. What a splash that made in the papers. Quietly however, the coal trade has been going on, under the cover of darkness and of tarpaulins. Hush, is the word here. We all tend to behave in stereo types. For Shillong watchers, and for people who have lived here long enough, let me list some of our common traits. But perhaps, like all creators of works of fiction, let me at the very beginning, frame my defense.

“None of the idiosyncrasies listed here, are reflections of any individual’s or community’s attitude, but merely symptomatic of our common attitudes, as perceived by the writer. People are advised not to take them, either too personally, or too seriously.”

That done one can get down to the business at hand and make a list of our own peculiarities. So here it goes, reactions eagerly anticipated.

1. The White factor: in a country, where whitening creams have a seventy percent share of the cosmetic market, Shillong is not far behind, albeit with a difference. Instead of wanting to be white, a lot of people here wish that the white man would return, to establish the Raj once again. Amongst the old there is nostalgia for that period, and the Sahib, like the Phantom, lives on forever. For the young there is a befuddled desire to stay ethnic and be westernised simultaneously. Both the groups, while doing nothing to solve the problems of our state, often use this wish, of being rescued by white angels, to shirk from responsible and productive behaviour. The sad part is that this wish is unlikely to be fulfilled, and the only other masters we are likely to have, if we don’t wake up are either the Bangladeshis or the Chinese.
2. The Lah Thait Syndrome: Though the tsetse fly does not have a habitat here, a sense of tiredness, seems to have afflicted our entire population. This is especially prevalent in government offices, where almost everyone, every morning, complains about being fatigued. We need to be refreshed every few minutes with gossip, scandal, tea, liquor/ cigarettes. I wonder if somebody can make a vaccine combining all these ingredients to give a sense of being alive and energetic. Till then our most vigorous activities shall remain confined to waiting for the correct number to turn up (teer -on working days) and for the fish to bite (angling on holidays).
3. Sitting room evangelism: We are all very vocal critics of everything and everyone but only in private gatherings such as parties, weddings and funerals. However publicly we let, Shillong We Care or Anna Hazare, carry out their lonely crusades without our involvement or cooperation. Fence sitting is an art we have mastered over the years and we are always reluctant to stick our turtle necks out.
4. The problem- solution muddle: We tend to be confused about our problems, and like to turn things on their heads. Every solution is seen as a problem by us, and this is then used, as an opportunity by pressure groups and aspiring politicians, to make sure our problems never go away, or to ensure that new problems are created.
5. The identification with the underdog or the “Bapli” syndrome: No matter what wrong any perceived underdog does, it is imperative that forgiveness from the powers that be, is immediately forthcoming. We condone all behaviour ranging from students abusing teachers, people not reporting for work, criminals burning people alive and groups using intimidation and violence for personal gain. This is used as a form of counterweight, to the corruption endorsed by the government.
6. Always right attitude: This movement has now been hijacked by the taxi drivers. They always use the right indicator, even when stopping on the left side of the road. Though this has led to many accidents, because the same signal is used, while actually turning right, the practise instead of being abolished, has now found favour with other drivers too. In essence, this reflects our deep seated belief, that we are always right and the only wrong doers are

people from the plains of India.

7. The “Mangta kya” disorder: This attitude originated, in the high schools and colleges, in the early seventies, and has now spread to all sections of society. We are ever ready for a fight and most vehemently oppose anything that is new, progressive and non traditional apart from foreign liquor, fast cars and easy money.

Now seven is quite enough, don’t you think, even while making a list of our peculiarities? Even the deadly sins, don’t exceed this number, and neither do, the wonders of the world. I leave it to the more creative readers, to point out, some more of our idiosyncrasies. Meanwhile for those readers, who consider themselves sane, and are absolutely fed up, of the way things seem to function, in our mad city let me sign off with the following quote by John Lennon.

“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we are being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I am liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.”

Let us hope 2015 gives us a better opportunity to further all our desires – sane and insane.

The writer can be contacted at [email protected]