By Deepa Majumdar
This article is dedicated to Shailinia Kharrymba
There is nothing innately rapist about masculinity. Nor is there anything innately victim-like in femininity. Men and women are gendered only peripherally. Well beyond gender lie the glorious, all-shining tiers of morally uplifting human nature. At the summit lies the divine Core or natural Light within – to be accessed equally by men and women alike.
Moreover, the ideals of Indian masculinity are the total converse of those of American masculinity. These latter perverse, anti-ascetic goals – so well exemplified by “The Donald” – are the total converse of the perennial, sublime ascetic norms. American masculinity aims at virility on the one hand – and pursuit of unlimited wealth, on the other. The greater his sexual prowess and the more wealth he amasses, the more masculine this strand of the American male is held to be. This is not to suggest that all American men follow this perverse ideal. After all, the great transcendentalist H. D. Thoreau – the total converse of The Donald – was American and male. Thus, one might say this of America – good American men thwart the prevailing norms of virile masculinity to become who they are.
When it comes to India however, one might say almost the reverse … For the ideals of Indian masculinity (more than femininity) are forged in ascetic terms – using specifically the virtues of chastity and renunciation. Let us not forget that the first ardent feminists of India were men – not women. In the sphere of Hinduism, these first feminists were idealistic men – not romantic men motivated by the desire to forge the free woman they could fall in love with – but rather, fathers, brothers, uncles, male intellectuals and monks wholly outraged by the humiliation of the Hindu woman. Foremost among these men was the great unparalleled Swami Vivekananda, whose exhortations towards “manliness” were appeals for chastity and diatribes against moral weakness. The ascetic ideals of masculinity permitted the Indian male to transcend bodily masculinity to see the Indian woman from a humane perspective. They inspired in him the highest ideals of identity – not mere equality – the notion that whether male or female, we each possess the same divine Core within. These noble ascetic ideals continue to guide the Indian male to this day. It should not surprise us that male graduate students of Indian origin in America, are sometimes so nonplussed by the glaring worldliness of some academic fields – like Economics and Business – that they return home in a spirit of renunciation to become monks. But the sad reality of Indian masculinity wholly defeats these ideals.
If in America, the reality that belies the coarse ideals of masculinity is noble, then in India it is the opposite. A perverse reality contravenes the noble ideals. In contradistinction with the noble ideals of Indian masculinity, reality is perverted by horrific misogyny and a culture of rape – laced with this disgusting motif – “boys will be boys.” Therefore, the greatest tragedy of Indian history lies in this fiction concocted by masculine double standards – that although men rape women, the Indian woman is condemned as The Temptress.
All good-hearted men should protest the shameful American ideals of masculinity often prevalent among ordinary Indian men – for which we cannot blame the west. All self-respecting Indian men should find such definitions of masculinity both abhorrent and insulting. They should pray that out of the ashes of such sensate masculinity will rise the phoenix of ascetic (not puritanical) masculinity. I emphasize this because it is only when men have rejected the moniker of masculine virility that they will be able to look upon women as mothers, sisters and daughters – instead of as sexual prey. Only then can we expect older men to band together to reprimand and educate younger men – teaching them to respect women.
Let us not forget the role of women in this matter. The Indian subcontinent is unique in the world in the misogyny displayed by women towards one another. Often older women abuse younger women. Often it is women who deem the female rape survivor as pariah and untouchable. Often it is women who fawn upon spoilt, lustful Indian men. Thus women must also educate each other on rising above the passions – on conquering lust and jealousy – to reach levels of humane humanity that permit them to see younger women as individuals worthy of respect and love – instead of as pawns in arranged marriage treaties. Indian women should stop forever their fawning on unworthy Indian men – recognizing their own complicity in such fawning.
When it comes to rape, let us not forget that both women and men can be victims of rape. Let us not forget either that rape is an act of violence that uses sexuality as a weapon. Let us not forget that rape murders the soul of the victim. Let us not forget that lust and hatred are twin vices – that hatred usually accompanies lust – that rape is more an expression of hatred than lust. Finally let us not forget this truism – that nobody deserves rape – not even the rapist. No matter how women dress, and regardless of how provocative a woman might be – she does not deserve to be raped. Moreover, although the virtue of chastity is the only full-proof weapon against the vice of lust, it need not help in a case of rape. After all, it is not as if nuns have not been raped in the Indian subcontinent.
Some years ago an Indian policeman advised a young woman victim of “eve-teasing” as follows: “You see mother, you get into this sort of trouble because you think yourself a girl. Learn to think of yourself as a mother.” But this exhortation to motherhood (i.e. chastity) as a mode of defense against “eve-teasing” expresses a most irresponsible idealism – perhaps a side-effect of India’s history of radical inwardness. For the Indian civilization, having the enviable history of mastering the science of meditation and hence inwardness, can be prone to inordinate idealism, to the neglect of even idealistic pragmatism. While motherhood as chastity is indeed the highest expression of the human soul – whether male or female – and while it is the only effective antidote to lust in others, it may not be adequate to stop the lunacy of the rapist. Moreover, it is in bad taste to preach this to a young survivor of molestation. For one, chastity and dispassion, brought about by sublimation of the passions, come to us only when we mature out of adolescence and youth. Often these virtues visit us at a much later stage in life. For another, in these times of supreme temptations, it is unrealistic to expect the youth to be naturally chaste. Instead, policemen and women should train young women in the basics of self-defense. They should distribute pepper sprays and other instruments of self-defense.
Having said this, let us yet remember that the sexual act itself is, even in the best case scenario, volatile (not violent) and reactive. Thus to caution women to dress properly and avoid danger need not amount to sexism. Such cautionary moves can be simply pragmatic, sensible, and realistic. They do not necessarily blame the victim. They speak rather to the dastardly assumptions underlying masculine virility – that the mere sight of feminine flesh can provoke in them the violence of rape. For in the calculation of the depraved male mind, a woman can only be a passive recipient of the male carnal act. She can only be sexually acted upon. She cannot be active – only reactive. Moreover, according to this sick mind, a “loose” woman deserves to be raped.
But contravening this sick form of Indian masculinity there are those self-controlled men in India and elsewhere, who somehow recognize their historical responsibility for the sexual act. Inasmuch as it is men who have historically possessed the carnal weapon, they recognize that it is more incumbent upon men than women to be chaste and self-controlled. Recognizing the depravities of some members of their gender, such men understand that even the most depraved of women cannot match the depravities of men. Indeed such virtuous men are likely to be more disgusted than women by the act of rape. Such men cannot imagine the sexual act outside of love and responsibility. They cannot imagine harming the beloved.
Why should good men protest rape? Not only because every rape is a slur on their good name – this being a selfish motive. Not only because they feel intensely about the case at hand – for feelings come and go. Not only because they want relief from the group guilt of Indian masculinity and the concomitant shame it brings before the eyes of the world – because this too is a selfish motive. But because they accept group responsibility and the group resolve to never again permit another young woman to ever be violated by rape. In the end it is only men who can educate and punish male rapists on a matter as private as sexual ethics. It is only good-hearted Indian men who can destroy the self-indulgent cult of “boys will be boys.” We women already know these things. We have already protested enough.
Now it is time for good-hearted Indian men to demand that male rapists be brought to justice – that they be socially shunned when the justice system fails the rape victim because of tardiness or any other reason. It is time for good-hearted men to inspire the courts with a fast-track for the crime of rape. It is time for masculine theologians and clergymen to assure young rapists that the karmic consequences of their crimes – whether in this world or in the afterlife – is a million-fold worse than the acts of rape. Finally, it is time for good-hearted men to reflect on the outsized male ego that reacts with so much violence when rejected romantically by women. It is time for the Indian male to reflect on masculine responses as violent as acid attacks, rape, etc. It is time that society as a whole reflects on the sad plight of the physically beautiful young woman. Why should her very existence be jeopardized for no reason other than her “original sin” of possessing physical beauty?
It is my dream that all good-hearted men of Shillong will first hold a meeting to meditate deeply on the sufferings of Shailina Kharrymba, whose innocence rings in our hearts – whose only fault was that she was female. That they will recognize in her the crucified form of Christ. That they will then march through the streets of Shillong to protest her rape and murder. That they will organize to educate and reprimand younger men to reconstruct a different culture of masculinity. That they will feel they cannot hold their heads high until they have challenged the state to treat rape and murder with requisite urgency. It is my dream that male musicians of Shillong will compose songs against rape. That masculine teachers will preach sexual ethics to their male students. That fathers and brothers will educate young men to respect women sexually.
For violence against women will not recede until Indian men decry the villainy of some members of their gender.