By Michael Makri
“But what was she wearing?” said the taxi driver who was driving me from Police Bazar to Mawlai responding to the news item I was reading as we reach Ward’s Lake late Monday afternoon when three scantily clad girls crossed our taxi. All of us have at some point asked and mused on the same question: What was she wearing? Consequently, we have wrongfully branded and labeled thousands of innocent girls raped and molested in our society. That seemingly insignificant question ushers in a number of issues waiting to take flight and be discussed. But, the truth is, for far too long have women been attacked for becoming victims of our perverted rationalization. The criminal mind has been too rationalized and a backstory inserted that disprove victims’ word. Does the rape culture foster just that? No! But much as we would like to disclaim responsibility, we have contributed to the growth of that same disgusting culture that has dangerously seeped into our minds and that of our families and societies.
Dictionaries explain that rape culture is broad in its sense and is thus difficult to define. But it has been with us all our lives. Let me confess it’s been with mine. Ladies are often told not just once but too many times that their shorts are too short, their neckline too low, and their shoulders too bare, blah… blah.. blah. In a rape culture, the initial reaction of ladies is to cover up and change their clothes to achieve a “decent” look. Has this dress code imposed on women improved the situation? No! The real change ought to come from those who objectify a woman’s body and think of it as a commodity in a perverted society’s gaze. The real segregation ought not to be male and female, but victims and criminals. And though I know many are enlightened, I can also see the blindness in the prejudiced notion that female is the weak gender and that they are to be blamed for their misfortunes.
Whether in television or in print media, we have heard of influential people talking about this same problem. Actress Priyanka Chopra has expressed her disdain for the inequality among men and women, both in the workplace and in the streets. Michelle Obama while being the First Lady of the US has gone around the world speaking of the importance of providing equal opportunities for education and work and societal significance regardless of gender. Have these brought about change? Are women and girls safer in our society?
I am not sure how far my words would echo or if they would reach the mass, but what matters is that I believe in the strength of a woman and I will exhaust all my means to share this. Hence, this is a call on authority and likeminded people for action against men and other women who are getting away with crimes against womanhood just because we are accustomed to blaming victims for dress, behavior, or things they never wanted for themselves. I am an average man endowed with reasons and emotions articulating on behalf of others who are tired of living in fear of harm because of what they look like and what they wear.
I still have a news report of a 12-year-old schoolgirl in complete school uniform who lived on a stereotypical street in Shillong. While returning from school, waiting for a local taxi home she was asked to get into a taxi standing in a line. She was young, but she knew that when he asked her to enter that closed, empty taxi with him, something was wrong. On reaching Madanrting, he slammed her tiny arm on the car’s seat and, just as he was touching her, she thrust her trembling hand one his hands and slapped him across his face. He was caught off-guard and she took the opportunity to run. She ran and yelled and reached home, but she never truly came back. She kept quiet throughout the years and she lived with the harrowing thoughts of what could have been and what would have been. ‘It was her fault for getting into that taxi with him,’ everyone will say. And so she was silent and he was still driving his taxi, and they lived under the same city for years until she finally completed her studies. It took years until she could feel safe in her own city. He is safe, unpunished but she was left running. She is running yet she walks among us. And we will never really know that she may be the mother who sat beside us on the taxi, or the old lady who sells cigarettes and kwai on the sidewalk, or the quiet little girl at the back of the ration line.
But what was she wearing? Do you still feel the need to ask? We have chased her into a lonely corner where her own fears of being accused and blamed will slowly kill the life in her eyes.
This may not be the most devastating story you have read today, for ours is a dark world with streets teeming with the terrible acts of man—corruption, murder, war, rape, molestation – am sure you read the newspaper daily and these are headlines. But should she have waited for something worse? Would you? Would you have preferred a more terrifying and crushing experience before you say something? Before what happened to her becomes “significant”? More importantly, was it her fault? Society tells her it is. Directly or not, we have told her so. And so she kept her mouth shut. She was silenced by the kind of “harmless” remarks we have made.
Hey! Grow up! We have to stop telling girls that wearing a mini skirt puts them in a precarious position in our society, or that wearing jeans means girls are asking to be whistled at. It is time we stopped hiding behind a girl’s discounted place in our world. It is time criminals are compelled to own up to their actions. It is time victims are protected from the unjust and cruel community we have all contributed to building and nurturing. The chasm between genders was created by those who did not know any better. Then, why are we such slaves to our own unforgiving past? Tyranny isn’t it?
Lets go to the roots!! Parents do not teach your daughter(s) to cover up- hiding in silence emotionally. Instead, teach your son(s) that everyone is to be respected regardless of gender and sexuality. And every woman has the right to wear any clothes or walk at any time in a society without being castigated. It is absolutely acceptable.
And to you, dear lady, if you can see soul in the imperfections on your cheeks, smell fragrance in the contour of your waist, hear sweet melody in your thighs then by all means, be proud. Do not be ashamed of the beauty in you. You and your body bring color to the bleak misery of humankind. Your womanhood is not a crime, BUT YOUR SILENCE IS.