Samhita Barooah
It was the 6th Guwahati Queer Pride on February 3, 2019. I was gearing up for the Pride this year as usual like all the earlier 4 Pride walks I had attended since 2014. Pride is a time to celebrate diversity, freedom of space, thought, socialisation and sexuality without any inhibition and reservations. I tried sharing about the Pride online and also prepared myself to be part of the walk despite the fact that it was more for people younger than my age. This year was an exception though. People from diverse age-groups joined the Pride which was a welcome move. I was also happy to see elders walking along with all others. I was happy to see senior colleagues, collaborators, ex-colleagues, activists, media persons, social workers and people familiar to me apart from students, friends and other people walking all along. One of my old school friends also joined the Pride walk for the first time and I was sharing with her about our experiences of being part of the LGBTQIA+ movement.
After walking for about half the distance, near Cotton University, I could feel a pinch on my back and then suddenly a hand grip around my right arm and a quick bearded peck on my left cheek. It was an elderly man with long beard and hair and traditional off-white kurta pyjama and spectacles who kept holding my right arm very tightly and rubbed it vigorously. I was taken aback by the bad touch and I engaged in asking the man’s name and sharing mine. Then I realised he was trying to feel me without consent. I asked him to remove his hand very sternly without getting violent keeping in mind his elderly disposition. He moved away very quickly and I could see him feeling others right in front of me. I quickly informed the organisers from Xomonoy, Xukia and GQP and asked them to keep a close watch on the man and make sure that Pride walkers are not intimidated. My friend who joined me for the first time also felt the same and moved away from the same man. I felt a sense of angst, disgust and violation which is when I raised my voice through the microphone available in front of the Guwahati High Court. Then when I looked back I saw Dr. Monisha Behal from North East Network and Sheetal from UN Women and many more. I shared my plight to them and Dr. Behal rushed to the man and warned him verbally to behave or else police will be informed. He said he was an old man. I was shaken up and kept an eye on the man’s movements for a long while till the end of the Pride Walk. He got alarmed and kept walking on the side but kept staring at all of us.
This year Pride gave me a sense of insecurity and insensitivity which was not expected from the Pride Walk. Guwahati city has been ruthless to women on the streets or city buses otherwise but during Pride Walk, it was different. I was also disheartened with the public apathy and the sense of indifference of all so-called sensitive activists whose intersections probably didn’t match mine. So some consoled me with hugs and showed solidarity but none could understand the violated self I felt. I raised my voice through media to make people alert and aware of such incidents and also that Pride is not only a space for celebrating freedom of love, life and liberty but it also has to ensure support and space to people with consent. Any intimate action without consent is abuse and cannot be undone or equated on the pretext of age, sexuality, gender, disability, religion, region or ethnicity.
I was proud to be part of the Pride as a gender queer person but my experience has revealed the vulnerabilities of a female bodied queer person. There were many supporters and empathisers who messaged, mailed and called me more to find out what happened and how it happened and why couldn’t I slap the person during the act of abuse. Some family members said may be the man was out of his senses and a faltu which triggered the incident. Some asked me if the man was from a particular religious community and many uncomfortable questions. All the prejudices came out in the open.
I am aware of the fact that Pride Walk is an act of courage and struggle and people refuse to acknowledge the violations without being aware of the forms of the abuses and sometimes out of sheer indifference. I was compelled to think if I was old fashioned and tradition bound in India to get violated due to touch, feel factors. I was also cross checking my own disposition of casual wear which could have triggered a tradition attired person to abuse me. All thoughts kept rolling and I got calls from colleagues from Gauhati University who shared that they saw the same person abusing others and how others didn’t complain and some edged their elbows and moved on.
These incidents should not impact the Pride walk as it gave space to many people who otherwise face exactly the same situation which I faced. I thought it was a staged experience to make someone feel miserable as they would face every day in their lives. Hence there seems to be a culture of silence around the issue. The organisers did not even announce or share a word on such experiences. Public spaces for people with alternate gender identities seem to be shrinking and even more for people within the community.