This is probably turning into a boring topic but unfortunately, this is the topic that the whole world is talking about. The rise in positive cases, the deaths, the lockdown and the lurking danger — everything seems uncontrollable. So this week, we have taken a break from the reality check and used a figment of our imagination to reflect on the corona virus crisis through the eyes and minds of three entities, all of whom are fictional characters and yet not too distant from reality. Theirs are voices which we may not hear often. But today, they will speak their hearts out and they deserve to be heard.
The fear
The lights fitted into square sockets on the ceiling blazed, burning my eyes. I turned my face to the left. A smoke screen separated the aliens in space-suits from me. My tired eyes refused to yield to the brain’s sudden spurt of energy and shut the door without notice. I don’t know why but the neurons inside my head felt stupendously alert, probably making up for the emaciated body and shattered spirit.
The dyspnoea apart, my brain felt no distraction and continued to take stock of the events which occurred in the last 10 days. As the body gasped for air, the brain got reinvigorated. The mist on the oxygen mask, formed by struggled breathing, felt cold against the skin. How will I die now?
I would have died anyway. The chronic lymphocytic leukaemia is nearing its final stage. The thrombocytopenia, they said, has set in. I was only counting days, listing things which I would have probably done had I been given some more time. But if I have to die of this virus, then why did I endure years of pain? If I do not die of the cancer, the whole struggle will be in vain. This is besides the monetary cost of it. Why me, again? Is thrombocytopenia not better than corona?
It appears I am the first cancer patient in the town to test positive, though no one knows it yet. My brain tries to comprehend the words streaming out of the mouths of the aliens. My eyes too get curious. The glasses have concealed their eyes, the masks their emotions. Is it bad? Please tell me aliens that I am dying of cancer. I deserve it. I have earned it.
The dyspnoea started soon after lunch. Who gave it to me? Many came to visit their dying relative (that would be me) in the last two weeks. Dying at 40 has some perks of sympathy. They came and sat beside me, took my hand in turns and unsuccessfully tried to lighten the heaviness in the room. I breathed heavily after each speech. Did I suspect anyone to be the culprit carrier? I cannot remember. But the question keeps hurting the cells in the brain. Who can it be? My brain feels a rage. I clench my left fist but could not do anything more.
It was a day before my nephew came to meet me. I was sitting on the verandah watching masked people walking past our gate. The crazy man sitting near the restaurant opposite my house would sometimes stare at me. I would often smile at him, without knowing why.
The passers-by looked at my unmasked face with suspicion and fear. Casualty rate is rising around the world. Fear was the only expression in their eyes. Fear of getting infected, fear of death, fear of dirt, fear of hunger, fear of pain…
I wondered how fear felt. I did not feel it since my diagnosis four years ago. I had felt pangs of fear. But time changed many things.
Another reason to fear, the virus that quietly moves around. Is this fear as intense and paralysing as the one that reigned after demonitisation? Can you compare life and money? If there is no life, money has no value but what sort of a life will it be without money? I took my eyes off the sedan parked in the portico and tried hard to imagine a life in penury and hunger. I gave up. Reports are saying the poor in the country are fearing hunger more than the deadly disease. Fear is always there. We live in fear. But I did not until I found out about the infection.
I am petrified because I am going to die, and that too of the virus, a microscopic, arrogant rascal that overpowered the cancer growing in my body. I have lived through the decay and endured the chemicals travelling in lightening speed through my veins. What for? To die like this? My brain screams in fear and frustration. A flash of light blinds my eyes and thoughts. My lungs relax. The mist on the oxygen mask clears a little. For the last time, I see the aliens gather around me, mumbling among themselves.
“Forty-year-old patient suffering from leukaemia and who was admitted in the isolation ward with COVID-19 infection dies of heart failure. Meanwhile, lockdown continues in…,” the garrulous man on the television goes on.
The madness
He usually sits near the door of the neighbourhood eatery, eagerly waiting for scraps and morsels. His dementia is not apparent. His eyes are calm and do not have that violent stare that is often associated with madness. It is only when he speaks to himself without even stopping to breathe is when you will suspect that something is wrong with the man. Even before you can feel apprehension, his eyes will stoke the sleeping humanity in you and out of pity, you will give him the leftovers which you are carrying home or buy him a packet of biscuit.
Everyone in the neighbourhood knows him though not by name. He is a quiet-type, you see. Well, he was until the lockdown started. A week back, I saw him reading an old newspaper and murmuring to himself. I tried to catch a few words but they were lost before being uttered. It sounded like a monotonous cry of a rusty water pump.
But what happened yesterday left me bewildered. The man was standing right in front of the hedges fencing my modest front yard and screaming at the top of his voice, “Where are you all? Are you afraid to come out? Are you afraid of me finally?”
Initially, I thought he was shouting because he wanted food. So I took some rice, dal and vegetables in a plastic bag and offered him. But the man remained unfazed. His otherwise calm eyes had changed colours. He was not exactly angry but trembled, probably with excitement.
He was looking at a wild rose tree while spitting out the questions. Now, he was looking at a stray dog that was peacefully sleeping near my fence and was startled by the commotion. “Do you see what they are afraid of? A virus, just a virus. They are not afraid of wars, riots, massacres, politicians, millionaires or nuclear weapons. They are afraid of this invisible creature, this, this…” he fumbled for the perfect word.
After a 10-second silence, the man started to talk again, this time with more energy and addressing the smiling Prime Minister on a hoarding nearby. “What is happening to you? Why are you hiding behind the walls and the mask? How many masks do you need to hide your face? Do you think I do not know your real face? I know everything. So you are scared of me now. It took a virus to make you realise this. At least, you did. You thought you can take over the world with your rhetoric and shallowness. You thought you would kill my family and get away with it. You thought you can blame me for all your mistakes. Well, never ever will I let this happen. You took away my home, my food, my religion, my dignity and now you are scared.”
The man said all these without reducing the pitch of his voice or stopping for breath. Half of his soliloquy was unfathomable to me. Who took away everything from him? Was he talking about himself or someone he had known years back? And who was he angry with? Definitely not corona. Why was I sure?
The man’s voice softened and his eyes got back the calmness. He folded his hands, and again addressing a vague entity, said, “Thank you, thank you so much corona for giving me this opportunity. I will live up to your expectations and become the deadliest virus and kill all those scoundrels.”
He finished his speech and without wasting a second of his time, started walking, rather hurriedly, on the empty street without paying a heed to the police vans guarding the thoroughfare.
The relief
“Oh my dog! What was that? Has he completely lost his mind? Is this a symptom of the thing that humans are talking about so much these days?”
Blacky did not wait for the answers. He got up from the place where he was basking in the sun, shook the dust off his body, twitched his tail and started walking, carefully avoiding the man standing not even a metre away and screaming. “What? He forgot about social distancing,” he grumbled to himself.
Blacky is liking the whole situation, the empty roads and the silence. He can clearly hear the birds chirping on trees and run around the road without any fear of a honking car. His friends come from the nearby locality every day and they play as long as they want to because the human children are hiding in their houses. So there is no fear of being harassed.
“What a relief these days. Thanks to this what-not disease humans have cleared space for us. There was no madness in Holi this time. And there will be none in Diwali too if things continue at this rate. What was that line on the piece of paper that I was chewing the other day? ‘I will show you fear in a handful of…’ what was it? I should not have chewed it before reading the whole thing. Damn! Anyway, I can rephrase it and say, ‘I will show you fear in a handful of germs,’” he thought to himself as he ambled into the park.
Finding a bench to sleep on is not difficult these days as humans are avoiding public places. What will it take to maintain status quo, Blacky thought as he jumped onto a wooden bench and settled down.
True, meals have become frugal these days and some of my friends are actually struggling to survive. Some of us still have Good Samaritans around us. And of course peace is aplenty.
“Ahhh, how I like this quietness and the fresh air! How my ears can have some rest. Oh what-not disease, what did you really do to put sense into humans? I am not afraid of you as I am immune to your recklessness but I am scared of these two-legged species (of course barring a few) that destroys everything,” he said with a sigh.
It is 2.30pm. There is still time for his friends to come. So Blacky slips into a siesta dreaming that he is playing ‘chase’ with the corona what-not. Life’s a pure bliss!!
~ NM