By Patricia Mukhim
Growing up in a Khasi matrilineal society girls are taught that silence is respectful and butting in on a conversation is the height of impropriety. A woman/girl asking questions especially after a male member has spoken is considered outrageous. Girls are told explicitly with no ambiguity whatsoever that questioning or speaking out of turn—which means questioning authority—is equivalent to a hen that crows and that’s sacrilegious. Do we wonder then why despite several young women complaining about being sexually harassed (which could mean anything from being touched and inappropriately groped by male managers of the cricketing association), there is not even a whimper from the several women’s organisations in this state of the “donburom class” (elite society)?
Parents of the women cricketers must feel truly let down by this society. Thankfully the State Women’s Commission has taken the matter seriously and prescribed a set of punitive actions but whether that will be respected in letter and spirit and those responsible for the sexually explicit acts will be shown the door is another matter. Girls and women will continue to suffer silently and not raise concerns against sexual harassment because they find that society does not offer them any reprieve and many are not aware on how to report sexual harassment and even rape to the nearest police station. A girl who is raped by a partner/boyfriend (meaning that the boy forcefully had sex with her) is in no mental condition to tell her parents that. She is too devastated by the act and the fear that she might become pregnant. Forget about reporting it to the police. In general the Indian male thinks it’s his birthright to force sex on his girlfriend and in Khasi society this is common. Once the girl becomes pregnant the boy will disappear from the scene and leave the girl and her parents to manage the pregnancy and the birth of a child even before the girl is ready to become a mother.
Since abortion is considered murder and every child is a gift from God as per religious diktats it is the woman/girl who must literally hold the baby and her parents are now burdened with having to look after their daughter and her newborn child. In Meghalaya, talking about protected sex is taboo. You can’t even suggest it. As a result the state now has the highest number of HIV-AIDs cases.
According to the Health Minister Wailadmiki Shylla, over 10,293 people are living with HIV and are currently receiving anti-retroviral therapy (ART) as of January 2026, with the state reporting the highest number of HIV cases in the country. Shylla said that HIV/AIDS-related deaths in the state over the past decade have reached 749. East Khasi Hills recorded the highest number of fatalities at 435, followed by West Jaintia Hills with 123 and East Jaintia Hills with 90 deaths. Other districts reported comparatively lower numbers with Ri Bhoi at 51, Eastern West Khasi Hills 16, West Khasi Hills 8, South West Khasi Hills 7, West Garo Hills 9, East Garo Hills 4, South Garo Hills 3, North Garo Hills 1 and South West Garo Hills 2. Most HIV AIDs cases are transmitted by injecting drug users who share needles and later have unprotected sex with their girlfriends/wives/partners. While other states have taken the bull by the horns and set up needle exchange centres (used needles are deposited and new needles are taken free of cost) where organisations like the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) provide such facilities. The sad story of Khasi society is that nothing can be stated upfront especially as it relates to sex which is not a word you can utter publicly. There is no single word for having sex in Khasi. If there is a word or set of words relating to sex, those are considered unspeakable and are only uttered by people high on drugs or intoxicated enough to not have any more shame. The Khasis would call that “kren sih,” (speaking vulgar or offensive words). This obsession to appear “respectable” (donburom) is what has pushed our youth to drugs and liquor.
The ‘respectable ladies’ (ki longkmie badonburom) heading sundry women’s social organisations in their Dorbar Shnong or even those heading state-level organisations have chosen to maintain a discreet silence over the trauma suffered by the young women cricketers, as they only seem to deal with soft issues. And every single day some woman or the other suffers affront at the hands of a male but has chosen to take it in her stride because society will ultimately blame the woman for dressing in a certain way, for being out late at night when she should have been at home, or for speaking out loud at a party when others around her are coy, shy, quiet, and of course ‘decent.’ That’s how this society judges women.
Ironically this society is also fanatically fixated on culture and wants the world to see it as a special species. Hence in every cultural observance marked by dances, women are seen as those coy, untouched, fresh as a bud specimens who are the repository of culture. Their bodies are the location of culture. Covered from head to foot the female dancers don’t usually don that kind of dress daily. They wear pants and shirts, skirts etc., and those who choose to be formal wear the jainsem. The dress worn during a cultural festival is archaic and meant as a showpiece. What really are we demonstrating by making women and men as well wear those outdated dresses? Is that external exhibition of culture so important when our most cherished cultural values are already trampled under our feet? Ka tip briew tip blei, ka tip hok tip sot, ka jingkamai hok, ka jingbymdei ban ikwah ia ka jong kiwei are all forgotten virtues. I don’t need to translate the above Khasi words into English because they are self- explanatory. If we were still practising the virtues passed on by our ancestors would there be rape, molestation, corruption, abandonment of the wife/partner? This is not to say that girls/women are without fault. As humans we will falter but rape, molestation and other forms of sexual assault on women are a case apart.
Look at Meghalaya today. Is there any women’s organisation that’s discussing troubling issues of women in poverty which is a growing phenomenon in the state? A huge population of young children have dropped out of school and you see these kids anywhere you travel in the state. Are there any women’s organisation concerned enough to approach the Government to ask for data on the number of school drop-outs especially at the primary school level? Can women who are educated, well-placed and privileged live their lives as if what happens around them hardly matters since it does not impinge on them personally? But we have come to this inflection point today. It’s a case of …”if something does not hurt me at the personal level it does not matter to me.”
So where is that sense of Khasi tribalness that we are so proud about upholding if only to prove a point to others? We want to put up a front that everything is alright with our world. It is not. In no other place in this country will you see every woman walking the street in rural Khasi or Jaintia Hills carrying a baby. In no other state will you see a 10 year old girl child being saddled with a baby sister or brother on her back. Sometimes even boys carry their little brother/sister on their backs because their mother – a single parent is out to earn a livelihood. These are the curses of Khasi-Jaintia society but we will not discuss these issues as if remaining silent will resolve them.
As a society we have perfected the art of showing the world a colourful charade of unity and respectability. But a deep introspection will reveal our brokenness and hypocrisy. There are tribals today who are dripping money yet there is no known philanthropic activity such as setting up a good, state of the art school where the poor will be given a scholarship so they don’t have to worry about their fees, books, uniform etc. They will attend school without worries and give it their best shot. I am sorry to hit where it hurts but we have shown ourselves to be self-seeking to the worst possible level. The coal mine owners have acquired real estate all over Shillong, in New Shillong and outside the state too but have they set up a single state of the art hospital where the poor will be given free treatment? There are people in this state who have the capacity to support noble ventures but they will not do it. Look at some of our destination weddings and even birthdays and the amounts spent. They are ridiculously extravagant! And for what? Just for a one day photo-op?
So there you are! These are the bare facts and I am showing the mirror to our collective hypocrisy. You can curse me and call me names. I really don’t care because these congenital disorders in our society have to be called out. Period!
