By E Dhar
I am grateful to Fabian Lyngdoh for discussing women’s issues with me on The Shillong Times. His recent letter, “Women are strange creatures” (ST June 18, 2013) expose his erroneous assumptions. It is also disconcerting than 21st century people believe in the myth of male superiority (when it’s been proven that there is little difference while measuring the IQ of both genders). Lyngdoh’s views only further conform to gender stereotypes, misogyny and contradictions. One thing must be clearly understood. It is not only a man who worries about his family, women worry too. Don’t women fear for their husbands, siblings, sons and daughters when their safety is in jeopardy?
Lyngdoh contends, “Only a woman can measure women’s feelings, attitudes or opinions,” yet in the next paragraph he says, “Few women who are in higher academic and professional ladder would think that male care and protection are unnecessary.” How does he know what women are thinking when he had just said, ‘only a woman knows a woman’s mind?’ He misinterprets the failure of the launch of women-only taxis to women’s need for protection. What? The pink cabs plan failed because ladies were reluctant to take the permits since they could not afford to buy a taxi. They were allowed to use only a brand new taxi. Furthermore, societal expectations in Meghalaya are such that women drivers are considered a strange and wondrous sight. No wonder the government’s initiative failed. And let’s not forget the incidents of women being raped by taxi drivers when returning from work. So much for male protection… And no, women are not afraid to live independent lives. Rather they feel fortunate for now they have the gift of free choice. People have always marred for love and companionship, not out of fear.
Lyngdoh claims that the era of patriarchy was more oppressive towards men than women. Yes millions of men have been butchered and enslaved throughout history. But whose hands held the weapons of destruction? Which gender marched with swords and shields screaming for the blood of their enemies? Anyone with half a brain would know the answer. Research done by the U.S. Department of Justice in 2007 shows than men are more physically aggressive than women. Seventy five percent of the offenders were males and only 20.1 percent were women. Whether this is because of culture or biological evolution, I’m not sure. So, yes, Lyngdoh is correct when he says that both men and women can commit crimes. But he does not explain why crime statistics are so skewed towards men.
What shock me are Lyngdoh’s bizarre metaphors. He states that despite being granted constitutional and legal rights, women do not achieve equal positions in government or other top posts despite “no hindrances put forth by men”. If only injustice and discrimination were solved simply by drafting a Constitution! We would not have had to worry about communalism, racism, sexism or corruption plaguing the country. Never again, would we have to hear news of a Dalit being butchered for drinking from a Brahmin well. Sarcasm aside, such thoughts are inimical to women. Denial of wrongdoing perpetuates it all the more. And people who deny it are part of the problem. How can anyone use the example of India to highlight women’s failures? India is disappointingly abysmal in protecting human rights. The daily news remind us of the grim reality many have to live with. Literacy in India shows massive prejudice with 82.14% of men being educated, compared to 65.46% women. Domestic violence, forced marriages, honour killings and sexual harassment in the workplace are common. Ergo, anyone who thinks India is a fair society needs to have more eclectic knowledge.
The U.S. itself is not free from discrimination (women are still paid less than men on average and still sidelined for promotions), yet 40% of the primary earners in American families are women. If even developed countries have a long way to go before becoming a Utopia, can we really expect India to be just and fair? Meghalaya is a matrilineal society, but why are crimes against women so rampant and rising? Doesn’t this mean Meghalaya is as flawed as other states?
When society is brainwashed for centuries into believing that one half of the population make unfit leaders, discrimination is inevitable. If women are perceived as being unreliable in business, why should the authorities ( comprising mostly of men) give them top positions? Sadly even women have been deluded into believing that their affinities are for certain (often simple) tasks only. In India, boys are encouraged to study and if they perform well, it’s supposedly because they have “natural talent”. But when a woman achieves the same thing it is because of ‘hard work’. Hard work is definitely a must, but the point is that women are often perceived to have greater difficulties in processing complex information and so must work harder. This belief is why we find ourselves in the present situation.
A man is judged by his potential and charisma and is given a fitting position. But a woman must first prove that she is capable in order to reach the same position. Someone might find this incredulous but studies including a 2010 Catalyst survey have shown that businessmen are more likely to be personally mentored by top seniors than women. This leads to a vicious cycle where women always get the short end of the stick. Hence, I disagree with Lyngdoh’s views that women reach top positions because it is “prepared” for them by men. On the contrary, they reach their goals “despite” the obstacles they face.
As for the Meghalaya election, is it an appropriate yardstick to assess women’s skills? An election where money, intimidation and greed played a large role in deciding the winner? Men already have the advantage of money power plus social acceptance so why does Lyngdoh wonder that women don’t win as many seats as men? It is no secret that people vote for the candidates who can relieve their temporary suffering in the form of freebies. It is not jealousy but desperation that drives people to vote for the more powerful (typically male) candidate. If one wants a truly equitable test to judge women’s performance, then the annual Meghalaya Board Examinations in which girls usually score a higher percentage than boys, is a better indicator. This does not mean that boys are less smart but it does poke holes into the belief that one’s mental performance can be judged by gender.
Lyngdoh reiterates the importance of physical strength which makes men special guardians of their physically weaker counterparts. But in terms of physical strength, humans are weak compared to many animals. We neither have claws like a lion, nor the speed of a gazelle, nor are we agile like a monkey. So humans are not the strongest species on earth. Yet we became the dominant species! How? Not by muscle, but by intellect. This is why I strongly contest the display of physical prowess to prove male superiority. How can you protect your family through physical strength alone if a stronger enemy arrives? Only by working together and empathizing with each other can society become safe. Individually, we are weak. Together, we can achieve anything we aspire to.
Cooperation and knowledge is the foundation of our power. Thus, we men should not brag (whether in secret or public) about ourselves by berating women. Using teachings of the past won’t help either. Arrogance disguised by “ancient wisdom” is still arrogance. Why does this inequality concern me though I am a man? It’s simply because I refuse to accept a world where my mother, sisters and girl-friends are considered inferior. And I recognize the hidden danger that such beliefs carry within them. Thoughts and ideas are like seeds. They eventually grow and bear fruit whose sourness or sweetness depends on the seed planted. If we, God forbid, come to re-accept the idea of women’s inferiority and need for men’s protection, it will not be long before this idea engenders a malevolent one. Protection soon becomes domination. Imagine that bleak society; “Don’t dress like that, you’re asking for trouble”, “Cover your face, you’ll tempt men”, “Don’t go out, it’s unsafe”, “Don’t be ambitious, you won’t be able to compete”, “Don’t marry anyone without our permission, we’ll choose the groom”. Well doesn’t this sound familiar? My views are neither male nor woman centric. I just wish for a better and happier world. Suffering cannot be erased but it can be mitigated. Getting rid of discrimination will help achieve that goal. I may not be able to change a person’s misogynistic views but what matters is for both men and women to know their rights and fight for it. And I’m sure that no knowledgeable woman will ever trade her freedom for “protection”. It is as Benjamin Franklin once said, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Let liberty flourish.