By Aristotle Lyngdoh
Relationship is word we often use but fail to delve and measure its dynamics and how to build it. The world at large and people globally suffer because enemies are being created everyday but not purposeful brotherhood. Thanks to social media and other social networking medium that somehow keep people around the globe connected even in distance locations irrespective of different status and faith in life. Franklin D Roosevelt once said “If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all people, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace”. This made me realize that everything within the universe is wonderfully and scientifically made and the human being is the wonder of all. When we say science of relationship it signifies the principles on how relationships are built because science refers to and deals with structures within the system or element. On the other hand, art is the method or skill on how to manage and maintain that relationship.
The best example of this scientific aspect of relationship or union is a family that has been distinctly designed by the Creator as a basic institution of human society. A family itself has scientific origin and the union of families further creates a society of kinship where the kindred ties are identified by the lineage system and in our Khasi-Pnar society, it is from the mother’s side. The matrilineal system that we have been following and practicing so far has become a very distinct and unique identity for our society. And this has served as the core property for community relationships and community bonding. Thus we can say that the identity of any particular community or race lies not on the colour of the skin or the physical appearance but primarily on the culture they practice and have followed from generation to generation. As a Khasi-Pnar community we are uniquely and distinctly identified by the ‘clan’ system or ‘Kur’ from where we have derived our second name or surname from. And this is not a mistake!
The Khasi (including the Pnar) have logically demarcated the boundary of relationship and kinship between the ‘Kur’ (relations from the mother’s side) and the ‘Kha’ (relations from the father’s side). Here lies another distinct fact in our society that the ‘Kha’ cannot be from among the same ‘Kur’ (clan) or the adopted clan ‘ting-kur’. They have judiciously developed this mechanism to trace the lineage of related kinships. The bonds of kinship in a society are like the sub-atomic particles of an atom. Any attempt to split and destabilize this bond will trigger a devastating atomic reaction. This destabilization can be in the form of an attempt to reverse this cycle of lineage, another form can be a marriage between persons belonging to the same ‘Kur’ or clan which is strictly forbidden. This is not new but has been inculcated in our minds since childhood by our elders that marriage within the ‘Kur’ is considered as incest or ‘ka sang’.
Out of this clan system there evolved a unique system of community management which in the past our people have strictly followed and adhered to. This management includes land and essential resources, society or social management in the form of Dorbar. Let us not forget that transparency was once upon a time the cornerstone that defined action and resolution of the then Khasi dorbar. Thus, it is said that in the true Khasi dorbar a tainted person is forbidden to participate. Such was the level of sanctity then but which is currently the contrary. The sad thing is to see that the social bonding in our society is silently eroding in the course of expansion and population explosion coupled with greed that is rampant these days. Relationships are estranged either purposely or unknowingly especially at present where craziness dominates those with intention to exploit the opportunity to satisfy and benefit oneself. People care not to intrude and infringe into forbidden boundaries on the pretext of modernity when in fact it is stupidity to abandon one’s cultural identity.
Modernity does not mean adopting a completely new system of tradition or reversing the order. But modern civilization transforms itself by aligning the basic principles in a much tangible and identifiable way for easy access to everyone without compromising the core identity. The primary reason for this deviation and fallacy is the administrative failure of our traditional institutions and the District Council which has been established with the purpose of safeguarding these traditions and to devise strategies in this regard. And this is due to the fact that the law making process within these traditional institutions has completely collapsed because most of the elected members are not the people who are fit to explore such delicate and complex processes of codification of traditional practices that are appropriate.
Erosion of cultural identity occurs at various levels both seen and unseen, but the greatest danger is when marriages happen between couple from the same clan. The reason that I am compelled to write about this is because of incidences that I am personally aware of. It may be due to ignorance about the history of their own clan or a willful act of lust and greed to achieve their personal satisfaction. As far as the ‘Kur Lyngdoh Mawphlang’ is concerned, we cannot enter into any marriage relationship with ‘the Lyngdoh Nongpiur’, the Khongsngi, Khongsti or Khongstia, Khongnoh, Rapsang-Nongpiur, Rapthap, Pompyrthat, Thawmuit, Lyngdoh Nonglwai, Sangriang, Mawlieh, Lyngwa-Rapthap, because these are all born from the great ancestor Khmah Lyngdoh Mawphlang the architect of the Lawkyntang Mawphlang which includes the clan ‘Kur Lyngwa’ too. This particular paragraph is purely intended to benefit all those who are not aware about kinship ties and for the future generation as well.
Similarly, other ‘Kur’ or clans have their own biological relationships and connections which their forefathers have done with a clear sense of understanding. Unlike other tribes where marriages are strictly confined to individuals from the same clan but with distant blood relationship, the Khasis decided to adopt a different practice because the kinship ties expand when a person from a different ‘kur’ or clan enters into a marriage alliance with another. The decision in this regard including other aspectd of the culture such as the ‘niam’ (religion) and (synshar-khadar) governance are mostly taken by the male counterparts in consultation with others members and it becomes a binding practice. Therefore, as male members of society we have a great role to play in this process of building strong community relationships to strengthen the cultural ties. But the sad thing is that many are still enslaved in a narrow mindset of being deprived of ancestral or family property. Out of this they secretly undermined this community bonding which is likely to perpetuate to the subsequent generation. The time is still right for corrective measures and alignment and to seriously think how to develop appropriate mechanisms to prevent any recurrence of errors by helping youngsters to take proper and legitimate decision.