By Robert Clements
The auditors of the country, who are very powerful people and oversee how public money is spent by the ones who govern, in my imagination, pursed their lips while the government official sat in front of them. “Sir,” said the first auditor, “there has been some very unwise spending on your part in building the new parliament building!”
“What are you saying?” screamed the government official jumping to his feet, then being told to sit down by his colleague, who gestured that auditors were very powerful people and could not be reasoned with threats or bullying, as he was used to doing. He sat down mollified, and asked in a whisper this time, “What are you saying?”
“Speak louder!” said the first auditor.
“I did, and you didn’t like it. What I said was, “What are you saying?”
The second auditor explained to him even more clearly what he had just said about too much money being spent on the new parliament building.
“What are you saying?” asked the government official again, and then realizing he had already asked that question rephrased it saying, “You are saying we have spent too much money on the parliament building?”
“No sir, we are saying there was no need to spend any money on a new parliament at all!” said both the auditors together.
“Do you know who built the old building?” asked the government official, “The British! Do you want to sit in the same building where our previous rulers sat?”
“Sir,” said the second auditor, “Every bit of money in our country has to be spent wisely and prudently…”
“Because we are not a very rich country,” continued the first official.
“And if that same money could have been spent on something which is more necessary at the moment, then our job is to question you as to why the money wasn’t spent there.”
“Sirs, where else can we show the world we are the biggest democracy? Where else can our men make glorious speeches, and use argument and debate over pressing issues, than in parliament?”
“True,” agreed the first auditor.
“Very, very true,” said the second auditor.
The government official smiled with self-satisfaction, and continued smugly, “Where else can the opposition speak against a motion, watched by the rest of the world?”
“Where is the opposition?” asked the first auditor quietly, “With many of them being put in jail, facing charges to be put in jail, or will soon find themselves in jail, don’t you think the old parliament building would have sufficed to hold the rest of the members?”
“And so,” said the second auditor even more firmly, “shouldn’t you have spent that same money on building more jails to house all the opposition?”
The official from the government looked at his hands, then looked up as he saw the first auditor, opening the first of many blueprints. “What’s that?” asked the official from the government now looking a bit worried, “What’s that you are opening? It doesn’t look like the new parliament building that we designed for the glory of the country?”
“No, it is what could have been used with the same money you spent on Parliament!” said the second auditor, as he opened the rest of the thirty- six blueprints. “Thirty-six blueprints!” he said, twenty-eight for every state in India and eight for union territories!”
“What are the blueprints for?”
“New jails for every state in the country and all the union territories! Like we just said, all we auditors are interested in is seeing that the money in our country is well spent, and since opposition members are spending more time in jail than in Parliament, then the money should have been spent on building bigger jails! Don’t you think you have done a great disservice by not foreseeing this?”
“I guess, we started going on this arresting spree after we had already started working on a bigger Parliament building!” said the government official sheepishly.
“Your Parliament building will now look like the old cathedrals of Europe then,” grinned one of the auditors, “huge and tall, majestic and lofty but with no people inside!”
The auditors then moved to another pile, where they pulled out another blueprint, “This…”
“Is the blueprint for the PMs house,” whispered the government official, “Don’t tell me you have something against that? Do you know how hard he works, and how important it is to have his house right next to Parliament and not far away, causing traffic jams, and a waste of time whenever he comes to the house?”
“We want to commend you for this home for the PM!” said the auditors, and the government official beamed with happiness, “But we’d like to say, that only this house is really necessary in the whole complex!”
“What? No need for the parliament building, only a house for the PM?” asked the government official, incredulously, “Where will debates and discussions be conducted?”
“Debates and discussions, between whom?” asked both the auditors together. “With opposition members all heading to jail, with no press in the viewing galleries, again with most in jail, what need for that building? So, all decisions will now be made in the house of the PM!”
“And what will we do with all that land where all the new buildings are being laid?” asked the official gloomily.
“Have huge lawns with garden furniture, where you can sit in leisurely comfort and stare at your phone, where in WhatsApp group messages you will be able to look at new laws being passed, old laws being repealed, all done from this majestic home.”
The government official jumped up suddenly and threw his arms around the two auditors “You both are brilliant!” he cried, “Why don’t you both work for us!”
“We already are,” said the first auditor, smiling in my very vivid imagination at the second, and both pulling out their phones, “See, you will see our names are already on the WhatsApp groups and not in the list of those who are supposed to go to jail..!”
The Author conducts an Online Writers Course. For more details contact him on WhatsApp 9892572883.