By Robert Clements
Are We Responding or Reacting?
As I heard about the very rude and crass speech by a member of Parliament, hurling abuses on another member because of his different faith I realised what’s missing is the ability to respond and not to react about someone’s speech or somebody! And so, at this time when we as a nation have become intolerant with each other, with politicians reacting to one another, with barbs, scorn and crass words, we should hear a story of how Gandhiji responded and did not react:
The story goes that when Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt a certain animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their “arguments” were very common.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arrogance, said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand… a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat “, to which Gandhi replies, “You do not worry professor, I’ll fly away “, and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, green with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all the questions. Then, Mr. Peters asked him the following question, “Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?”
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “the one with the money, of course”.
Mr. Peters, smiling, said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom,
don’t you think?”
“Each one takes what one doesn’t have”, responded Gandhi indifferently.
Mr. Peters, already hysterical, wrote on the exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down. A few minutes later, Gandhi went to the professor and said, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade!”
What Gandhiji did was to use quick thinking. He did not wrestle or box or hit the other person with his fists or use crass words but instead used the action of his opponent to break him.
We should all learn how to do this.
Watch the English Parliament at work: No mikes are thrown, no fists are used but with wit and intelligence, surgical cuts are made that leave a lasting impression. Learn to use debates and subtlety, use good language instead of slurs and derogatory statements. If you are proud of your humble beginnings, show that you have lifted yourself up from where you were and are now a polished diamond, not an uncut, crude, stone pulled out of a dirty mine or badly kept tea shop!
Stop being savages by reacting and learn to be gentlemen by responding!
Let me move from Gandhiji and others and give you a simple example of something that I actually experienced:
This happened years ago when my dog Jeff was alive: A moth, one of those huge ones with big eyes, flew from somewhere and sat on my wife’s side of our bed, a little away from me.
She screamed out of fear and with a panic stricken face jumped towards my side of the bed. Her reaction was contagious, and my daughters also started doing the same thing. My wife finally managed to push the moth to another corner of the room.
Now, it was the turn of my daughter to continue the drama. Then Jeff rushed to the rescue.
But the moth inadvertently landed on him.
I watched as he stood firm, composed himself and observed the behaviour of the moth on his body, then very confidently he moved his huge mouth to it, picked it up and brought it to me, and I threw it out of the window.
As I watched the full scenario unfolding before my eyes, my mind picked up a few thoughts and started me wondering:
Was the moth responsible for my family’s ‘ histrionic behaviour?
If so, then why was the dog not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection – without any chaos or drama.
So, it was not the moth, but the inability of the family to handle the disturbance caused by the moth that disturbed them.
I also realized it is not the shouting of a father or scolding of a boss that disturbs someone, but his or her inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs them.
Similarly, it’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused in my mind by the traffic jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it’s my own reaction to the problem that hurts me!
My diagnosis of the whole issue:
My family reacted but the dog responded.
We must not react in life; we should always respond.
Reactions are instinctive; responses are intellectual.
How often this happens to us, doesn’t it? Many years ago, my little one, who was just two years old, tottered up to me, and gave my cheek a resounding slap. My hand flew up and without thinking I slapped her back, to her astonishment and shock and also to that of everyone in the room.
I had reacted.
But what if I had used my mind and responded instead? If I had, then my daughter would not have gone through the traumatic experience of a slap, which I’m sure her little mind must have wondered what she did to deserve it. Remember, she was only two.
Which brings me to another thought as I see hundreds of civilians killed in the Israeli Palestinian war: Are they reacting or responding?
Politicians in India; are they reacting or responding?
We need to learn to respond, not react..!
The Author conducts an Online Writers and Speakers Course. For more details send a thumbs-up to him on WhatsApp 9892572883.
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