Single Mothers: Choosing between ka Kur (clan) & u ‘Kpa ki khun’ (husband)
Editor,
Reading Bhogtoram Mawroh’s article, “Broken families: Unveiling the role of patrilineal and matrilineal systems” (ST November 20, 2024) I would like to offer the following comments.
Single mothers can be categorised into two groups. The first group comprises those who are divorced or widowed and this is a universal problem cutting across communities, religions, boundaries, irrespective of whether they are patrilineal or matrilineal. But there are possibilities of financial support and maintenance for them because their marriages are registered and you can get statistics on the number of widowed and divorced women (single mothers) because of the availability of records on deaths and divorced cases.
But in our matrilineal Meghalaya where compulsory registration of marriages is yet to be made mandatory, the other group of single mothers is more about abandoned mothers from unregistered marriages. In this matrilineal society today where many who still give importance to the Kur and the Kni rather than to the family and the father especially in their day to day living. This makes it even easier for a man/husband to walk out of an unregistered marriage without giving any maintenance for the wife and children, leaving them at the mercy and financial situations of these almost outdated institutions (Kur) and authorities (Kni). This is especially related to this subject of abandonment of women with children and the increasing number of orphanages in our state. If the Kur and the Kni are rich then they can take care of them, but for the vast majority of the Kurs and the Knis today, who belong to the middle income and lower income group, it becomes next to impossible to look after the extra mouths apart from their own families because of the increasing cost of living.
The practice of living together (ban shu ia shong) without getting into a formal registration of marriage is still common and still accepted in our society. But the problem arises when the man walks out of the ‘marriage’ without giving any maintenance. In our experience when dealing with such cases it is difficult for an abandoned woman to fight for maintenance in court without the marriage certificate. Either we’d have to rely on a birth or baptism certificate where the names of both parents are mentioned and when these too are not available, then through the lengthy process of DNA testing which is yet to be tried.
I too agree with Jenniefer Dkhar in her letter to the editor (ST December 2, 2024) ,”am in awe of these super-women (single mothers) who are managing things well…I may have seen very less of these cases but the few I have seen, I must say makes me want to salute them.” However the adverse impact on the lives of many of these abandoned women with children especially in cases of families with many children as we have witnessed in the rural areas, burdened with poverty, is for all to see and read in the media reports that appear from time to time.
It is difficult to get accurate statistics of abandoned mothers with children in our society because of unregistered marriages. Coupled with that, our acceptance of multi-fathered children in the same family, because they all belong to the same clan/kur as that of the mother’s where the woman/ mother, is sometimes single and at times not, further complicates the task of getting correct statistics of single mothers.
The problem of abandoned women with children is a very serious one in our jaidbynriew today, so let us not try to belittle the problem or give it a religious colour or speak of statistics that do not give a true picture of ground realities. Let us come together and try to find solutions to ease the hardships faced by this vulnerable section of our society who are at times subjected to exploitation by unscrupulous elements. As one of the solutions which the MAITSHAPHRANG has been campaigning for a long time is the immediate implementation of the Meghalaya Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act 2012 together with a law on Equitable Distribution of Ancestral and Self Acquired Property.
Fabian Lyngdoh in his article “Single Motherhood in Khasi Matrilineal Society” (ST Nov 26, 2024) has acknowledged that, “as the Khasi man has been circumstantially relieved of his responsibility towards the clan (slowly but surely if I may add), he has to learn to assume the role of a responsible father, and the woman too has to learn to re-look into clan priorities and adjust herself with the hard facts of the nuclear family. There is no looking back; if the Khasi society has to survive and prosper…..”
The statement by Bhogtoram that “the culture of ‘walking marriages’ (the husband or partner treated as a guest by the woman’s family, only comes at night and returns to his maternal home at day-break) was indeed the most pure form of matrilineal customs…….I don’t know if that is possible, although it would be desirable,” but it poses a big question mark for the present Hynniewtrep families and mothers today. In normal circumstances, would they rather leave their children in the care of their uncle/clan or to a visiting father or preferably to a father who stays with them and cares for his family, because the role of a husband and wife is not just about procreation and having children but more importantly it’s about raising a family together.
Yours etc.,
Michael N. Syiem,
Via email
Hazardous electric wires in Shillong
Editor
I am writing to bring to your attention a pressing concern that poses a significant threat to the safety of citizens in our city. In many areas of Shillong, electric wires hang precariously from poles with open ends, creating a perilous situation.This hazard is particularly pronounced in areas with inadequate street lighting, where the wires are difficult to spot at night. The risk of electrocution is very real, and it is only a matter of time before a tragic accident occurs.
I urge the authorities to take immediate action to rectify this situation. The Meghalaya Power Distribution Corporation Limited (MePDCL) must ensure that all electric wires are properly insulated and secured.
I hope that your newspaper will highlight this critical issue and prompt the authorities to take necessary steps to prevent any untoward incidents.
Sincerely,
Sudarshan Dasgupta,
Shillong -4
Muster Roll workers’ break in service!
Editor,
Nearly three decades ago the Government of Meghalaya through the Personnel & ADMV Reforms (B) Department vide an 0ffice Memorandum dated September 16, 1996, duly signed by Mr.WMS Pariat,the then Commissioner & Secretary to the Government of Meghalaya,Personnel Department, who subsequently became the Chief Secretary of Meghalaya, passed an order that all state government offices that engaged muster roll workers who have completed over ten years of service without a break and supported by documentary proof must be conferred the status of RCW (Regular Casual Worker). This conferment would imply that muster rolls are classified as quasi-regular employees whose services cannot be easily terminated off- hand. Additionally, in course of time they are entitled to appointment to Group D posts.
Further, the entitled RCWs could avail other official packages like maternity leave, children’s education advance, festival advance and other benefits applicable to regular appointees. Unfortunately , some state establishments have circumvented the Memorandum in question by furtively resorting to breaking the continued engagement of the muster rolls by one day at least, thereby resulting in a break in service, to make them ineligible for RCW ranking. Some years ago I have been reportedly apprised by one of the concerned employees of the Deparment in the office of Chief Engineer, Water Resources, Meghalaya that the system of break in service of Muster Rolls was being practiced. I presume that such a strategy is still enforced in this office.
Such modus operandi will deprive the muster roll workers of their endorsed constitutional rights and the same ought to be taken cognizance of by the Personnel Department, Meghalaya and the non- compliant offices must be given a serious dressing down!
Yours etc.,
Jerome K Diengdoh,
Shillong-2