By Patricia Mukhim
This New Year’s eve has to be the loudest ever in the history of Meghalaya. The bursting of fireworks that must measure several decibels above the permitted loudness is unprecedented. Naturally the dogs and cats had to run for cover. The fireworks exceeded the normal Diwali noise. But what is there to celebrate about 2025 and what was so bad about 2024 that people seemed to let loose their fury through those fire-crackers. The district administration which usually cautions people not to overdo their fireworks during Diwali was curiously silent on the days preceding the New Year’s eve. Anyone who had gone to bed at the usual time of 10 or 11 pm and had just gone into deep slumber must have been rudely awakened much to their chagrin.
Its not possible that the elderly would be so enthusiastic as to step out at midnight in the forbidding cold and blow those fire-crackers to smithereens with the intention of making a point. Those who enjoyed creating that over- the- top loud noise would have been young people and that loud noise is a noise of protest since there is no other way of making a point and no other way to make the powers that be, to listen to their deepest angst. No one ever asks a young person -What do you really want and why? Can we have a conversation and reason out your choice of a college/school/university or the subjects you want to take up? Almost 99 % of the time parents decide what’s best for their kids without allowing them room to even express their opinions. This must be frustrating. It is the reason why the young seem to trust their friends and to confide their deepest secrets with them. Parents are disinclined to listen with any empathy. They are forever judging their children. In school, teachers have no time to just listen to different points of views. They are too busy chasing the syllabus.
It must be frustrating for the youth standing as they are at the crossroads of an era that their parents lived by and the present one where technology runs their lives wittingly or unwittingly. The smartphone has become a constant companion making up for the lack of empathy from elders. How many parents would really leave their assumptions outside and just spend time prodding their children’s mind and have a conversation without using words that show impatience and a face that communicates the words, “I know what you’re going to say before you even say it.” That would shut up the young person who was actually longing for a listening ear – a heart that would resonate with theirs and a mind that would temporarily suspend judgment and try and feel what that young soul feels – the desperation – the fear – the hopelessness – the frustration. If only we adults could listen to their hearts and sense what’s going on there. But how do we do that unless we have created a safe space where they know they can speak up and be understood and not shouted down? How many families have taken time off to change the tone and tenor of their conversations with children which veers around only telling their kids to ‘do this, don’t do that and what’s most jarring for young people to hear is their parents telling them, “We’ve been on that road before so we know; you don’t have to tell us.” How do we tell parents that every journey is unique; every experience is a never before one?
Too often it looks like the parents need more counselling than the child, what with their unreasonable expectations and comparing their own children with someone else’s kids. Don’t parents know that comparing even two siblings, one a fast learner and the other a bit of a slow coach is devastating for the second child and if that is done early in life the impact must be far reaching. Sometimes one wonders if there could be classes for parenting so that parents don’t blunder their way through life and destroy the lives of those they love most – their children. Think especially of kids whose mothers are barely out of their teens and who never had a father. What would be that kid’s comfort zone? Nothing! Only a vacuum unless she/he finds a friend, a soulmate or a teacher who would be that redeeming figure helping a child find her/his way in a cruel world.
The reality is that it is very difficult to be a young person in this day and age. Sadly youth policies are made by adults who assume they know everything that matters to the youth without ever consulting them. Think Meghalaya where about 10% of the population is on drugs and some more are alcoholics. What drove the young people to drugs or alcohol. Both are illnesses and not just human frailties or a conscious choice. If we really care to listen to these young people who have fallen between the cracks our hearts would break. They were ordinary kids that had hopes and dreams but somewhere along the way those dreams were shattered and the reasons are many. They always begin with the family. And we cannot deny that too many families in our state are dysfunctional with mothers playing the role of both parents. If only men realise that fatherhood is a huge responsibility and sex cannot be an accidental affair, nor is pregnancy for women in this age of contraception. Sex is not to be experimented with yet unprotected sex is what a large number of our youth indulge in. And who pays the price? It’s always the girl who turns into a woman and mother overnight. Does anyone care to listen to her? Or to help her deal with the situation? No there won’t be because this is a highly moralistic and judgmental society. But is that moral yardstick of any help?
Meghalaya actually needs more counselling centres in the villages where those in need of help can go confidentially and can hope that the confidentiality is maintained. You will find any number of young people looking for help on how to manage their lives because their parents either don’t know the art of conversing with their children or are too religious to accept that their children have strayed and instead of being condemned those young people need emotional healing. That’s it! Emotionally hurt young people in turn hurt others in the same way that victims become oppressors in a given situation.
It’s time for those in politics and social work to start valuing the opinions of youth and not just brush them aside. Taking young people’s contributions into account fosters a sense of citizenship in them. Also assisting them in the development of key competencies such as cooperation and communication skills, self-efficacy, responsibility, civic-mindedness, and respect for the value of democracy is very helpful. Only when the government begins to act upon these suggestions for young people will this be seen as an indicator of young people’s voices starting to be heard.
Most young people will not speak out publicly but will rave and rant privately; young men might physically and mentally abuse their wives or girlfriends. These young people are unable to articulate their feelings and give voice to their emotions because our schools and colleges have not empowered young people to speak without fear. And neither have our homes! There’s no space for such speaking classes in our curriculum. Without the power to voice their angst how can the youth be a part of the democratic process? Merely shouting slogans mindlessly on behalf of a political party is not youth empowerment. In fact, those that shout the loudest don’t have much to say about the party they support when engaged in a one-on-one conversation.
Coming to youth aspirations, each time I watch Chief Minister, Conrad Sangma nurse his guitar in an almost romantic embrace and sets the strings in motion, I feel he could have become a Bryan Adams or some other rockstar too. But being sucked in by the tornado of politics also meant that he had to give up his first love – music and stumble into politics. One wonders if that career option was an individual choice or a family duty. If only the youth could get into the kind of work they love, life would perhaps be less cruel to them and to those around them. On that note, would it be too much to ask school and college administrators to create space for young people to speak up and to also empower the diffident ones to stand up and hold their ground?