Successful women share their insights
THE LETTERS reveal stories… stories about relationships, memories; about understanding values like self respect, humility and dignity; about hard work, struggles and triumphs. They are life lessons penned down with startling honesty by some of India’s most talked about parents for their daughters, whom they have nurtured and cherished and for whom they hold dreams for a bright, happy future. In the process, their writings also show the way to India’s countless, faceless women who are striving to fulfill their own ambitions and aspirations, as they resist social pressures that pull them back. Writer and former journalist Sudha Menon’s latest book, Legacy, published by Random House, is a collection of letters that shows a whole new side of India’s who’s who, including bankers industrialists, painters, sportspersons and chefs. In this excerpt, financial whiz Renuka Ramnath and legal luminary Zia Mody open their hearts out to their young girls, providing glimpses into their individual journeys. Excerpts:
RENUKA RAMNATH: Sitting in the cozy comfort of her sprawling farmhouse
high up in the smoky blue Western Ghats, financial whiz Renuka Ramnath pours her heart out, talking about the ups and downs of her life, the things that shaped and made her the woman she is today. She writes this simple, heartfelt epistle to her daughter who is in faraway New York studying Psychology and Education.
Dear Ramya,
It is not often that I would write you a letter of this kind but none of what I say here are mere words; they are the stuff that I have experienced in the last fifty years. So it is, in some ways, coming right from the horse’s mouth!
Dear Kannamma, you are on the threshold of a life that is brimming with promise and potential and as you set out on a long and fruitful journey, I want to tell you about the things that helped me along the way, when I was like you, a young woman eager to experience a life of her own. …
When I enrolled for a chemical engineering course at the prestigious Veermata Jijabai
Technological Institute (VJIT) in 1978, I was only the fourth girl in the institute’s 99-year-old history. The Principal of the college did his best to dissuade me, saying I would be alone in a class full of boys and cautioned me that it would be difficult, if I chose that as a profession. He cautioned me that insisting on taking the textile engineering course could possibly mean that I would never get employment because there were not many women tough to handle the heavy textile machinery that I would have to in the industry at that point. My male classmates would often chide me and say that as a woman in that course, I had deprived a deserving male candidate of his seat because I would only finish the course, get married, and bear children. They did not realize that every time they dissuaded me, talked down to me, and demoralized me, I was more determined to show them that I was made of sterner stuff. I thought to myself, ‘Just what do they know about me that makes them so sure that I cannot complete this course?’
At each stage in my life, I have set my own internal benchmarks for achieving my personal goals. I have been inspired and motivated by people, but my standards of what constitutes excellence have always been set by me. …
I have learnt to have a complete open-mindedness to others’ point of view. I got the gift of positivity from a college mate at VJTI who, besides me, was the only girl in class.
When I stood alone in the corridors all those years ago, weeping from the jibes and taunts of my male classmates, she would tap me on the shoulder and tell me to straighten my spine and get back to work. ‘If you choose to cry, you will do that for the next twenty years and nobody will care. But if you want to get on with your life and your career, make sure you are accepted by the boys. If you want to be part of the mainstream, figure out what it takes and do that…’ she would say. Instead of a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on, she gave me that sharp wake-up call but it gave me the strength and the confidence to help me through that very difficult period. I can never thank her enough for that lesson well learnt! …
ZIA MODY: In this touching letter to her daughters, Zia Mody – one of the most sought after experts in the legal space – tells them about the importance of doing whatever it is they do, with passion, being grateful for the generosity of God, and being happy in all circumstances or with whatever choices that have made.
My dearest Anjali, Aarti, and Aditi,
What I am about to say will sound surprising, but let me say it anyways. Nothing can substitute the power of bonding between all five of us as a family. I know I haven’t spent enough of that time. Very often, in our fast-paced lives, we overlook this simple truth and come to regret it later on. As parents we had resolved to do at least a couple of shared vacations every year, when we get to hang out together, just having fun and sharing the stuff that is going on in our lives. I’m hoping that when your children come along, you will do the same with them.
As a young girl there were times when I would resent all the stuff that my Nanima would make me do. She insisted I do everything—learn piano, Indian dancing, cooking classes, horse riding, sewing… I occasionally resented it but in retrospect, all those things shaped the person I am today. I benefitted from each of the things that I learnt as a child. I tried to do that for you kids too, piano, tabla, dancing, riding class, and indulged your fancy for ballet. So there it is, my Anjoss, Artuss and Aduben, I could not do as much as my own mother could do for me because I was a working mother but I made sure that you are never going to regret that you did not get an opportunity to learn something that would have enriched your lives.
Every moment that we spend with you is such a precious gift. We soak up the affection that you give us so generously. All the BBM’s we get from you and all the phone calls Aarti makes from New York are wonderfully precious. I have saved many. Even some angry ones! Sometimes, when I worry that I don’t spend enough time with my children, I am blessed by the fact Pa can’t have enough of each of you everyday. He has been the rock for all four of us with his continued presence in our everyday lives. And some day I hope that when you become mothers, you will remember to do all the things that your grandmother and your mother did for their children. Give them the gift of your time when they need it. More than I could do. In a chaotic, often unpredictable world, it gives me joy to know that you are incredibly positive, forward-looking, loving, and kind children. These are gifts that will always help you.
In the end, I want to tell you about a very special secret to a happy life: My grandmother and my mother gave me as their legacy an intense sense of internal pride. I want to add to that and tell you to cultivate the consistent ability to look upon someone as a mentor or role model, a person who you will not just learn from but also derive comfort and faith that will stand by you during tough times.
My grandmother was a feisty, tough woman, full of beans and boy oh boy, she was a deliverer! She travelled all over the world, had five kids, lived her life with unstoppable enthusiasm and energy, and had complete conviction that her faith would see her and family through life. She was my hero and she left a lasting impression on my life. That is what I want you all to remember. Leave a lasting impression on your family. (WFS)
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