By Glen C Kharkongor
The conflagration in Nagaland continues and the embers will simmer for a long time. Fellow male members of my species, through their collective mayhem, have set back the clock of societal and gender progress by a long millennium. Violence and viciousness against women has rarely been organized on such a scale in recent memory. This is not the random rape committed by a testosterone laden apology of a man, it is a systemic assault on our values of equality. Even political leaders, men in winking collusion, cover for each other, when it comes to making common cause against women, as seen recently in our state with the rape and trafficking of a minor girl. And not even the gubernatorial seat of power has escaped the taint of masculine shame.
Of course we are not alone. It is a worldwide malaise. We muscle-bound men stand alongside tall macho leaders of the “free” world. Donald Trump, the president of the world’s most powerful country, asserts his self-given right to grab whichever part of a woman’s anatomy he chooses and whenever he feels like it. Vladimir Putin imprisoned the members of a girl rock band for singing irreverent songs about his persona. The ultimate insult to his male ego was a song entitled “Putin Zassal”, which means in one of its various interpretations, “Putin Got Scared and Wet Himself”.
These are not dictator despots, usurpers of power. They have been elected, surely a sad commentary on the downside of democracy. In rare contrast to these clay-pots, our prime minister has spoken out in a different tone. Whatever opinion one may have about Narendra Modi or his political ideologies, in one area, he has been an exemplar of consistency.
In his first Independence Day speech Prime Minister Narendra Modi condemned the spate of rapes and offered parents some advice on how to bring up better sons. He said, “In every home, parents ask daughters lots of questions as to where she is going, when will she return, and ask her to inform them when she reaches her destination. But have you ever asked your son where he is going, why is he going and who are his friends? After all, the person committing the rape is also someone’s son. It’s the responsibility of the parents to stop their sons before they take the wrong path.”
Whenever I, an adult male, am sick, I am looked after by my wife and in her absence by my adolescent daughter, not yet a teenager, who will mother me with hot mugs of soup and reminders to take my medicines. These maternal instincts carry all males from the womb to the tomb. All families in our tribal societies have examples of alcoholic, indolent, indigent males, who in spite of being an encumbrance to the family are looked after nevertheless. If an elderly man has a stroke, he is cared for by a woman, if an elderly woman has a stroke, she too is looked after by a woman. The men are out, doing their thing in town.
The book Societies of Peace is a compilation of landmark articles on matriarchies, past and present. An important passage in the book describes the psycho-analytical theory, well known to us, of male mother-centricity and concludes that “men in our society think they are marginal unless they are the focus of their mother’s care, the focus of women’s lives and the focus of society in general.” Even though the weaknesses and proclivities of men are well known to ourselves, still our intellect and sense of civility are unable to curb our patriarchal urges.
Matriarchy is not the flipside of patriarchy, rather it denotes a society based on gender equality. The study of matriarchal societies through history have uncovered elaborate systems of consensus-building and peace. Women generally eschew violence and in a matriarchal utopia there will be no wars.
In the Khasi tribal worldview, mother centrality is manifested in various features of our culture. The clan mother is the most revered ancestor from whom lineage and name identity springs forth. In a fascinating article Desmond Kharmawphlang narrates the legend of Ka Lukhmi, the rice goddess, as a personification of nature as mother, and concludes that “The matrilineal system of the Khasis also carries within it the underpinnings of the relationship between nature and mother.”
A few weeks ago, I was present at a meeting in Mamallapuram, a district in Kerala with 68% Muslims. The topic was higher education and a large section of the audience consisted of Muslim girl students wearing uniforms that included a head scarf. In an inspiring demonstration of enlightenment, a prominent leader of that community deplored the neglect of women’s education. In a telling allegory, he described the slow progress of social development among his Muslim community as a cart with two horses, one horse a well-fed and well-groomed stallion and the other horse, a weak, starved mare. He extended the analogy by explaining that if half of the community, women, were not allowed to contribute their minds and abilities, the entire community would be held back. A progressive Muslim movement in Kerala is being led by Munnawar Thangal, respected for his spiritual leadership, and whose family has established numerous schools and colleges for girls.
As tribals, we are often heard to proudly remark about how our societies are not bedeviled by the caste system or by extreme manifestations of misogyny like dowry deaths or female infanticide. We are more insidious in our manner. Explaining that women have more important things to do, we bar them from the dorbar. Blaming unemployment and poor development, we gloss over the irresponsibility of adult, well-bodied males. Every trivial excuse is something to harp on, carp about.
When will we mellow our machismo and show chivalry to women and children? A ready answer seems elusive. This generation of youthare more aware and better informed, and seem to have more idealism and empathy for the marginalized, including a more inclusive acceptance of gays and trans-genders. Perhaps they will show us a better way to equality.
As Narendra Modi has observed, an important priority is to properly educate the boys. So education is key in the long term. A couple of young researchers in our university are probing these questions. A male assistant professor is examining the theme of masculinity and how it effects the male psyche in a matrilineal society. Another young faculty member, a woman, is surveying the problems of single mothers with young children. She found that these young mothers, though heavily burdened by economic pecuniary had big dreams for the success of their children. These intrepid women are strong believers in education and the young researcher is conducting sessions in career counselling for these mothers and children and showing even illiterate mothers how they can help their children with their homework. These are examples of my everfond hope that the youth, male included, will find their own answers.
(The writer is former Vice Chancellor, Martin Luther Christian University)