By H H Mohrmen
The saying that, ‘the only thing permanent in the world is change,’ best describes the Khasi Pnar society, which like any other society is not static but a dynamic one which changes and evolves with time. However, despite the changes that happen around, the matrilineal family system is one aspect of the society which remains constant. The story amongst the Pnar people as to why lineage is taken from the mother is described in one sentence, ‘ka kynthai ksoh ko ïaka wait samen.’ Loosely translated this means ‘the woman single-handedly holds the sword of life,’ which infers that during the time of giving birth, every woman fights a battle of life and death all by herself. When it comes to bringing new life to the world, every mother fights a lone battle.
There is also a story of an inter-tribal feud where women protected and saved the children from the enemy while their male counterparts were away in the fields. This incident compelled the community to decide that the female members of the society are the rightful bearers of the family clan names. The Ïawbei story of the different clans in Jaiñtia Hills also gave much importance to the female progenitor (ka Ïawbei) and not as much significance was given to her male counterpart (u Thawlang).
To understand the Khasi Pnar matrilineal system one must understand that it is a matrilineal society and not matriarchal. There is a huge difference between the two as in the latter, woman is in charge of everything including holding property rights. Matrilineal society is where both male and female members of the society have their own roles to play and they have prescribed responsibilities in the society. Matriarchal as opposed to Matrilineal is because the lineage is taken from the mother’s line.
But the most important thing that one needs to understand is the foundations on which the matrilineal family system stands. Matrilineal family system stands on four principles (a) the importance of the clan (b) the relationship within the family which constitutes a family unit (c) the importance of the maternal uncle (d) the significance of the traditional religion because the life of the members of the society revolves around it. Traditional religion is like a rope that binds all the other principles together.
The Clan is like an umbrella and the first support system for the members of the same clan, but it is the family and the relations within the family which like a solid rock is also the main pillar of the matrilineal system. Traditionally a family do not comprise of ‘i ïung i sem’ (household) or unlike the western concept of family, one family unit comprises of a mother, the father and the children only. In our context a family unit comprises of many families under one ‘kmai ïung or ïung blai’ (single umbilical kinship) or roof under one roof ‘hapoh u tnum u thyndai.’ It is also important to note that by tradition a family in a matrilineal system is a joint family system where families, not only from the same grandmother, but even from the same great grandmother also live together under one roof. This is the strength of the family because it build a strong kinship bond between and within the family.
The story which best describes this theory is one which I encountered recently. A lady with whom I helped upgrade a school, in a village called Puriang died. Diyet Nongspung was no ordinary woman. She is one teacher who would not let her students call her ‘miss’ but insisted that every classes that she taught call her ‘mi’ or ‘mi khynnah’, which means mother or children’s mother. But the story which is relevant to this subject involves her personal life which I have heard a long time ago but was only made public recently. It was on her funeral that her granddaughter shared the story that she had sacrificed herself for the sake of others. She told those who attended the funeral that when she was a young woman, her only sister died and left six children orphaned. The burden of having to look after the children compelled her not to marry and she decided to stay single and devoted herself to taking care of the her sister’s children. It is said that when suitors came to ask for her hand in marriage, she would politely reject and tell them that she already had children. This simple and real life story of sacrifice also embodies the beauty of matrilineal system in the Khasi Pnar society.
The lady exemplified the position of the mother and the aunts, where she is not only a custodian but a keeper and caregiver of the family. In Pnar the term used is ‘ka kchu ka pliang’ she is responsible for the entire domestic needs in the family and in the traditional religious system, it also includes preparation for ceremonial events in the family. The mother is also the custodian of the family resources and the matriarch (female head or grand or great grandmother) of the family always takes a stand when the need arises.
The role and status of the maternal uncle, first and foremost is that he is the son of his mother and returns to his mother even after he is dead because his mortal remains have to be kept at the kur’s ïungblai for cremation and even the charred bones have to be placed in the clan’s ossuary. Even while one is alive, traditionally, the husband only visits his wife and children (thiah chloor) during the night but eats at the kur’s (clan’s )house and earns for the kur (kamai ïung kur). The maternal uncle is the priest in every religious ceremony in the family and he represents the kur in the community at-large. He looks after his sisters, his brothers, nieces and nephews and is responsible for their wellbeing and this is easy because matrilineal family system by tradition is a joint family system.
But today there is a drastic change in the family system. The joint family system is giving way to nuclear family, where members no longer live under one roof but live as a separate unit. Even the concept of a family too changes from one which comprises of members of the same clan to a family which only includes the father, mother and the children. Nuclear families are independent and live away from the ‘kmai ïung,.’ The abandonment of the joint family system is when the first foundation of matrilineal family system was dislodged. Although joint family system is still prevalent in certain areas especially where people are predominantly followers of Niamtre, but it is diminishing even within the community.
Nuclear family system also has its impact on the status and the role of the maternal uncle. Although he still visits his relatives but it is not as easy as when they used to live under one roof. However, he keeps the tradition by making sure that he at least visits the ‘ïung blai or kmai ïung.’ The importance of maternal uncle has also weakened especially when people have converted to other religions, where the family members’ rites of passages are done by the priest in the church or the temple and not in the ïung blai or within the family and presided by the maternal uncle. The status and the role of maternal uncle among the followers of Niamtre is still strong because of the connection that it has with the religion, but eating in the kur’s house or visiting the family is a challenge now.
But the bright side of the picture is the triumph of matrilineal system over patriarchal culture where religions like Hinduism were not able to suppress it and to impose the patriarchal culture on the Khasi Pnar who follows Hinduism. The case in point is Nartiang where people had adopted certain aspects of Hinduism, but continue with the matrilineal family system. It is also a well documented fact that although the Jaiñtia kings who lived in the plain of Jaiñtiapur and were greatly influenced by the culture and ethos of the people in the area and had even adopted Hinduism as their religion, continued with the matrilineal family system.
Very recently S.N. Lamare suggested that today despite the fact that a large section of the population had converted to Christianity and adopted western culture in almost every sphere of their lives, yet they retained the matrilineal family system. Where almost in the entire world Christians follows patriarchal family system and to begin with Christianity is a patriarchal religion, where men are given a higher status than women, but in the Khasi Pnar society, Christianity took a different turn. In the context of the Khasi Pnar society, Christians follow the patriarchal religion but continue with the matrilineal family tradition. In both the case of Hinduism and Christianity, both the religions took a unique form whereby people follow the patriarchal form of the religion while simultaneously continuing with their matrilineal family system.
Matriliny has withstood the test of time, and while matrilineal and matriarchal societies the world over had collapsed and changed to patriarchal systems, it remains to be seen if this culture will continue to survive the test of time.