Teaching children about safe and unsafe touch

By Diana Chiu Tangsong,

In India, Children’s day is celebrated on November 14 every year as a tribute to India’s first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru. This day is celebrated to promote awareness of the rights, care and education of children which includes certain rights of children that are not being stressed upon but are worth throwing light on. Child sexual abuse and the importance of how parents can help ensure safety to their young ones is critical resource..

According to the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR), the data of child sexual abuse cases has crossed 13000, between March 1 to September 18 this year. Child sexual abuse affects all communities and is not limited to race, class, gender, ethnicity and sexuality.

Children are the future citizens of tomorrow and it is our duty to help build a better world for them. It is important for parents and caregivers to spend quality time with them and make them feel safe and loved. As children grow older, they interact with their social environment and meet different people.  It is impossible for parents/caregivers to be with their children 24×7, which is why it is essential for parents/caregivers to teach their children what safe and unsafe touch is all about. It is crucial too to understand that child abuse is extremely dangerous and can leave a lasting traumatic impact on an entire generation.

Parents/caregivers may find it difficult to talk to their children about body parts and sexual abuse. It is important to understand that in teaching safe and unsafe touch to the children, the elders can help children protect themselves from being abused in the absence of their parents/caregivers. Here are some tips that will help parents/caregivers talk about safe and unsafe touch with their children:

1. Teach children correct names for their body parts: Children as young as 3-4 years old are aware of all parts of their body. Program the child to learn the body parts accurately, including the private parts without any embarrassment so that they are not confused what words to use in case of an abuse. For example, using a swimming costume can be shown to the child that the body parts covered are called private parts
2. Ownership of one’s body: Child should know that they are in complete control of who touches their body, how and when. We have to learn to respect their wishes when  they don’t want to be touched, kissed or tickled. It is okay to not insist when a child does not want to hug or kiss a particular family member if they feel uncomfortable with certain relatives.
3. Encourage the child to create a ‘safety circle’: This ensures that a child can trust few adult members (including the child’s teacher) in case, he/she feels scared or uncomfortable and requires to reach out to the three-five adult members in the safety circle.

Explain to the child that there are three kinds of touches:

Safe touch: Safe touch can be explained as touch that keeps them safe and are good for them. Safe touches can make them feel cared for and important. They include hugs, pat on the back, or an arm around the shoulder. It is also important to include that safe touch can hurt, such as doctor giving an injection when a child is sick. Its important to explain to the child that the injection hurts but it is needed to keep them safe and healthy.

Unsafe touch: An unsafe touch can hurt their body or hurt their feelings such as hitting, kicking, slapping, pushing and pinching. It is important to teach children that any touch that is to be kept secret or makes them feel scared, nervous or uncomfortable is an unsafe touch.

Unwanted touch: An unwanted touch can be safe but it is possible that the child does not want to receive that touch from that person at that moment. Teach the child to say ‘no’ in an assertive, polite manner to help set boundaries. It is alright if the child is to say no to the touch of a familiar person.

For parents/caregivers, it is important to teach their children to stand up for their rights and not fall prey to abusers from a young age by following the safety measures as given above. It is not uncommon that most of molesters/abusers are family, relatives and friends. Molestation can happen anywhere, at home, school, park, religious places etc. This can further help the children to become aware of their rights to their own body and stand up against becoming a victim of such a tragic event that can have a major impact on the long-term mental health of the child.

The writer is Counselling Psychologist/Behaviour therapist, RoUTES, Shillong.

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