Monday, May 27, 2024

Bob’s Banter


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By Robert Clements

Elections: The Before and After..!
In the elections that are taking place in our country, there’s a before the election scenario, and an after the election scenario, right? In case you’re not sure, let me present both the scenes, very much to do with our country, here goes:
I imagined that the doorbell rang at my home: I walked to the door, swung it open and found a grinning face outside with folded hands. “Namaste sir,” said the grinning face as it tried to shake my hand then tried to walk past me into my house, “May I come in?”
“No!” I exclaimed, “You may not! I don’t know you!”
“You do know me sir!” said the face with a wider grin and hands reaching out to embrace me.
“No I don’t know you” I said looking at the face and wondering who it was.
“You do sir” said the man who had walked in.
“No I don’t! Who are you?” I asked.
“We met five years back sir.” Said the man now folding his hands in a namaste.
I stared at the man, “Where did I meet you?” I asked.
“Here only sir” said the man, “Don’t you remember, I met you here only!”
“Here?” I asked, “But this is my home.”
“Yes sir I came to your home only!””
“And why did we meet here?” I asked, wondering why this man had come home.
“I came for your vote sir” said the man, and suddenly I identified the grinning face with hands saying namaste as the local politician. “Aha,” I said, “you are..?”
“Your representative in the Lok Sabha sir! Now may I sit down sir?”
“No” I said angrily. Please go away!”
“Why sir?”
“Do you know how many times I tried to contact you at your office?” I said.
“No sir?
“I phoned dozens of times. You were always busy, too busy, your man made many excuses; I thought I’d visit you, but there were thugs and goons who stood outside your office door with smirks and sneers! They nearly roughed me up when I tried to insist on seeing you!” I said angrily. “And now you come here for my vote?”
“For what you came to meet me sir?” asked the man.
“I came to tell you of the ED going after the opposition, good MPs being expelled, and that you should do something, being from the opposition.”
“If you vote for me this,” said the politician, “I will do everything.”
“How? I asked, “What will you do?”
“I will switch sides after the elections sir!”
“And now you want my vote as an opposition candidate? “What if you don’t do all this?”
“Then come to my office after the elections sir!”
“But you won’t have time to see me!” I tell him.
“Then I will come and see you sir.” said the politician as he stepped out of my house and reached the gate.
“When?” I shouted.
“Before the next election sir! I will come for your vote again!”
And the next scene takes place immediately after our elections have taken place, and as soon as the results are out:
Political floor crossing and horse trading will start and I envisioned myself a waiter in one of the resorts that our elected representatives will soon be bundled off to: “It must be quite traumatic for you all?” I asked, “First you are all spent after having fought and won the elections, and then you are herded into a resort, to keep you from being poached by a cash rich party?”
“It is all because of our leaders!” grumbled a newly elected MP, “If it wasn’t for our leaders asking for our loyalty we would be comfortably staying in our own homes with our beloved families”
“Can’t those poachers get across to you through your phones?” I asked.
“Phones have all been confiscated by our leaders!” whispered the new MP, “I miss my phone!”
“You must be missing keeping in touch with your constituents!”
“No, I miss the video clips, especially hot ones sent on our group. It is very difficult to survive without my phone!”
I watched as suddenly all the MPs rushed to the windows of the resorts and looked out, then came back disappointed. “What are they looking for?” I asked, “Rain clouds?”
“No smoke signals!” said my new friend, also looking disappointed, “They have been told by the cash rich party that they will be informed about the amounts they will be paid if they cross over, through smoke signals!”
“But do you all know what each smoke signal means?” I asked surprised.
“It’s the first thing we learn when we win the elections!” said my new friend.
I walked around with a jug of coffee in my hand, “Coffee?” I asked a group who were looking listlessly at the sky with their overnight bags nestling close to them.
“What’s in your bags?” I asked, interested.
“For what?”
“To escape from this place, as soon as we receive the right smoke signal!”
“There’s something else too in those bags! It seems quite bulky, what is it?”
“Whoa! Whoa!” I shouted, “You guys planning to learn horse riding in the resort?”
“Neigh!” whined the newly elected political leader, “That we already know, but as soon as we escape, we will put the saddle on ourselves and will be ridden off by the highest bidder, it’s used after the results of the….”
“Horse trading!” I said, as my new friend nodded vigorously.
I suddenly saw all of them rushing to the window very agitated. “Smoke signal?” I asked.
“Rain clouds!” said my new politician friend looking disappointed.
“No smoke signals, if it starts raining!”
“Then what will you do?” I asked.
“We’ll do what we love doing!” said the leader.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing!” said my new friend, “Now we will have time to practice what we plan to do for you, for the next five years; NOTHING…!”
The Author conducts an Online Writers and Speakers Course. For more details send a thumbs-up to him on WhatsApp 9892572883 or [email protected]



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