By Robert Clements
Withdrawal Symptoms and Cure..!
“Who’s this?” I asked my friend as I entered his house and saw a dishevelled boy sitting in his living room.
“My son!” said my friend,
“Hi,” I said and watched as the young fellow stared at me then looked around, ran around the room searching for something like a dog looking for his favourite bone and then sat down waving his arms at his father.
“He’s not well, is he?” I asked my friend.
“Withdrawal symptoms,” whispered my friend to me.
“Drugs?” I whispered back.
“No messaging,” said my friend.
“Messaging?” I asked.
“On his phone all the time!” said my friend.
“Ah,” I said looking at my friend’s son, who was staring with haunted eyes at his hands.
“That’s where his phone used to be,” said my friend. “We’ve taken it away from him, so he can get used to life without messaging!”
“Good,” I said looking at my friend’s son, who was suddenly staring at me with the same haunted eyes. Suddenly he lunged at me and started tapping my knees.
“Its ticklish,” I giggled. “What’s he doing?”
“He’s messaging,” said my friend. “He’s asking whether you have a phone?”
“Yes,” I giggled, “But I am not giving it to you!”
“Just message him!” said my friend.
“Without using the phone?” I asked.
“Type a message on his knee.”
“I can’t,” I said, “I don’t know how to type!”
My friend’s son withdrew his hand from my knee in a flash, looked at me with disdain and went back to his chair. He reached across and tapped something onto his father’s knee.
“What’s he saying?” I asked.
“He’s saying you’re a barbarian.”
“Tell him I know how to talk!” I said angrily.
The boy looked at me with the same disgust and walked out of the room.
“You have upset my son,” said my friend.
“I’m sorry” I said. “Is there something I can do to make up for it?”
“You could learn to message him on his knees,” said my friend.
“Nah,” I said, “I’m not too happy using someone else’s knees to type.”
“Do it for me,” said my friend.“No!” I said firmly.
What shall I do?” asked my despairing friend.
“Maybe teach him public speaking!”
“Public speaking,” whispered my friend as he switched on the TV, and anchors, raising their voices and outshouting guests on their show, a bearded politician calling people from his own country filthy names, and advertisers shouting false promises about highly suspicious looking products. “It is better he messages in silence than go for public speaking classes!”
We both looked at the TV and agreed wholeheartedly to give him back his phone!
Well, the whole story was written in jest, but people are not talking to each other but spend most of their time messaging or speaking on the phone, and just like cigarette smoking has restrictions, we need to have strict rules that need to be implemented immediately:
Rule One: The size of the mobile should be such that other people know when he has switched onto talking into his mobile and when he is talking to them. Tiny instruments, which are invisible to the people around should be banned or confiscated and burnt or smashed to the ground or exploded.
Rule Two: Restaurants should ask customers to deposit handsets at the entrance like they do with umbrellas, so that patrons can enjoy their food and also the company of each other. If the mobile rings while the guest is having his meal, a waiter will answer the phone and even tell the person at the other end the customer will have to pay a fine if he calls again in the next half hour.
Rule Three: All cell phones should be fixed with an automatic device, which allows the user only one call and one message per hour. Any more calls or messages will have his or her phone connection temporarily suspended and if the user persists, his right to cell communication will be taken away.
Rule Four: Statutory warning to be introduced in all mobile ads, saying that mobile usage is addictive. Mobile companies should also donate money for rehab homes for addicts who want to kick the habit.
Rule Five: ‘Mobile Shelters’ to be erected where people will be able to use their mobile phones, all other areas will be made ‘ silence zones’ and mobile free.
Rule Six: Vibrator modes to have a stronger electric charge, to shock people to such an extent that they hate calls!”.
Rule Seven: Betrothed couples to reveal to each other their mobile addictions if any before their wedding plans are finalized.
Rule Eight: Taxation, such as imposed on liquor and cigarettes to be introduced on every word spoken or text written by cell users. This tax will be known as Talk and Write Tax and money collected from this tax will be used to finance old age homes for writers and columnists like me, who wield more of the pen and less their tongue.
Rule Nine: Street plays, dramas and newspaper ads to be used to educate people the evils of cell talk with the HRD minister asked to give a series of broadcasts on a cell-less India.
Rule Ten: That it be mandatory for cell users to pass a government test on mobile usage before being given permission to use a handset, where mobile etiquette forms part of the paper.
I know despite all these laws I’m suggesting we will continue being manner-less and impolite in the use of the mobile but maybe pictures of the boy I portrayed at the beginning of this column and mental state he has reached could be circulated on WhatsApp! If all this is implemented I am sure psychiatrists and marriage counsellors will run out of business as couples and family members start talking to each other again..!
The Author conducts an Online Writers and Speakers Course. For more details send a thumbs-up to him on WhatsApp 9892572883 or [email protected]