By Robert Clements
Rape, Anger, and Restraint..!
As I heard with horror about the rape and strangling of an eighteen- year old girl in a hostel in South Bombay, I thought about the word, ‘restraint’. The watchman who allegedly committed the dastardly crime, then went to the railway line that ran behind the hostel and committed suicide. Why had he not run away? Why did he kill himself? It seems obvious that after the act, he must have understood the enormity of his crime, that what he had done was obviously an impulsive act, and sadly, two young lives were lost when restraint could have been the savior!
It seems, that during his watchman duties he had been noticing the young girl for many months, made small advances to her, which were rebuffed, while lusting for her. According to others in the hostel, they’d noticed he quite often harassed her in different attention seeking ways. Now, when you look at that, you will realize that many of us, whether married or unmarried do seek the attention of the opposite sex. I know of many YouTube videos which tell girls how to gain the attention of a young man who they are attracted to, and likewise such videos are available for young men too. But restraint is needed when older men or women, married and who do not need to try and attract the opposite sex, also try their hand at such clever tricks.
The watchman, who was married and had young children, had he showed restraint on his lust would have still been the family provider, which with his suicide, he is no more. Not just losing his own life, but losing the future of his two young children and a widowed wife!
For many years as honorary secretary of a prison ministry, we were given permission by the government to visit prisons all over the state and counsel those jailed inside. Quite often, tough looking men and women would burst into tears and continue weeping as they regretted some crime they committed on impulse. “If only…” they would whisper and weep.
“If only we had showed restraint!”
Everyday, we face choices, of either giving in to our impulses or exercising restraint. The dictionary meaning of ‘restraint’ is, ‘keep under control or within limits’
I loved motorbikes and one bike I loved to ride, was the Royal Enfield Bullet. It was once the bike with the most powerful engine on the road, but the time it looked dignified and elegant was not when it was rushing around at a hundred miles per hour, but when it was cruising at around fifty or so.
There is something majestic about power being restrained.
The whole world looking at the bike, knew it could spring into action and give the others a ride for their money, but watching the rider restraining the beast was a different kind of power in action.
The same should happen in our everyday actions. Not just in cases of lust, not just in anger or jealousy, but in managing issues which take place at every moment. I agree, it’s not easy. No, it isn’t. However, remember the Bullet, and you’ll find it highly rewarding!
But along comes another thought, and that is that just keeping ourselves under check can also be the death of us, as in suppressing ourselves from talking back to our superiors when they are wrong or other such situations, can build simmering anger inside, that could finally manifest in a heart attack and death.
How do we then deploy ‘restraint’?
I believe two factors come into play, understanding ourselves, and understanding others!
Suppose we admit to ourselves we have a tendency of acting spontaneously. We can go back in our own history of relationships and find we have wrecked good friendships and partnerships, by letting loose either our tongue or fists. ‘We are made like that!’ we say later, defiantly, even as the world either starts isolating us, or leaving us alone or considers us immature. Even as boxers learn patience and wrestlers know to give in to a grip, and relax their muscles so that they can then exercise a better hold, we need to learn to curb that impulsive part of ourselves towards achieving a greater gain, either in the form of a continued friendship, or in being able to bring wisdom into a situation.
‘A soft answer turneth away wrath’, say the wise scriptures. In doing so we give ourselves time to understand the other person. I see you looking at me with a puzzled expression, wondering how understanding comes into the picture, when all you want to do, is to let fly a couple of punches or give back a stinging reply. Indulge me as my mind turns to the one vivid picture I have of a Man on the cross, writhing in agony, and turning to God and murmuring, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!”
As the spear and whip came crashing down on Him, He who could have unleashed ten thousand angels, but restrained Himself through understanding that those who were crucifying Him, did not understand the reason why they were doing so.
Use these two methods of ‘understanding’, one understanding ourselves and the other of understanding our adversaries and then even as we read in horror about the rape and death of a young teen, even as we hear of other brutal killings, or read of female wrestlers who were touched and molested by men who couldn’t stop their lustful feelings, realise that even we need to use restraint many times in a day, both at home and outside!
Can you hear the thud, thud, thud of the mighty Bullet, cruising down the road? That should remind you of ourselves, men and women who have passion, vigour and strength, but decide instead to cruise, and restrain that power, and in so doing, reveal real muscle, the muscle and power of restraint..!
The Author conducts an Online Writers Course. For more details send a thumbs-up to him on WhatsApp 9892572883.